tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22227059186649130372024-03-12T21:37:43.764-06:00CosPlaying With My FoodThis is just a simple blog focusing mainly on my journey getting healthy, making costumes, and being nerdy.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-61730633476868773062020-09-03T19:37:00.002-06:002020-09-03T19:37:30.329-06:00Giving myself permission<p> I'm coming up on a year post-op. I haven't kept on this like I had planned and hoped, and then there was so much to say I didn't know where to start.</p><p>As I mentioned in my last post, I've been struggling with a lot with feeling like I should be farther along than I am. Some days are better than others, but it's there. I had thought about posting about this on some of the online groups I'm a part of, and just haven't. So I decided to ask in the virtual post-op support group meeting put on by my hospital.</p><p>The people in my group are so awesome and supportive as is the therapist who moderates the sessions.</p><p>I got a lot of great advice, but one thing the therapist caused a lightbulb moment.</p><p>I'm down 90 pounds from my highest, and 60 from surgery. I want to lose another 50-60 pounds. Even though I'm not where I want to be, that's ok. It's also ok to be proud of what I have done so far. It's ok to be proud of taking charge of my health. It's ok to be proud of myself, period. She said I need to learn to give myself permission to be proud. </p><p>It's ok to give myself permission to be proud.</p><p>I have no idea why this struck me so hard. Of course it is ok. But sometimes we need to hear it from an outside source.</p><p>Other suggestions from folks in my group:</p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Reread the letter I had to write as part of the approval process for surgery</li><li>Go buy some new clothes and get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit</li><li>Keep track of Non-scale victories</li><li>Go back and look at pictures</li><li>Stop comparing myself to others</li></ul><p>I do have a stack of clothes to sell and a stack to go donate.</p><p>I need to dig out my journal and write more NSV's down. I used to do that a lot, and I need to get back in the habit.</p><p>I haven't taken a lot of pictures the last 6 months because of the pandemic. I need to take more.</p><p>I will dig out my letter and reread that. I should also dig out the binder from the doc and refresh myself on some of that.</p><p>Remind myself more to not compare myself to others. It's so hard to not do, but comparison is the thief of joy. This is my journey, and no one else's. <br /></p>Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-42814026847591145542020-08-19T18:38:00.003-06:002021-08-27T06:54:32.853-06:00Random thoughts and struggles<p> It's been a long time since I've written. I've been intending to write and log this process so I can look back on it and remember. So I can see how far I've come. Maybe I can help someone else who wants to take this journey. Some of it is I don't know what to say. Some of it is I don't know how to say it. Some of it is that after my day at work I don't want to be on the computer anymore. Which is just a crap excuse because I get on to browse Reddit or play video games. </p><p>The last 6 months have been a struggle. The pandemic has been hard. I felt like I was really hitting my stride with working out and eating, then everything shuts down. The gym did open back up in June, but I haven't felt comfortable going out. I'm not at too much of a risk, but I don't really feel like going swimming is worth the risk of getting Covid.</p><p>I'm getting antsy now though. I'm still supposed to swim 1500 meters in mid-October as part of the relay triathlon. I still want to do it. I know I can do it. I don't want to back down to 750 meters or quit at all. My mom has said as much that I should. I'm not even going into the issues behind her attitude on that. There's just too much to unpack there. </p><p>I had been trying to get out and walk a couple times a week, but it just doesn't work out. Part of it is with summer the heat and humidity just aren't fun. The good thing I've noticed is that I don't immediately start sweating when I go outside now though. So that's been a nice change. Hell, I'm starting to enjoy the heat more now since I'm always cold. </p><p>I have tried jogging on my runs too, but I haven't been consistent. I had gotten up to jogging 0.8 miles without stopping to walk or rest. I was so proud that day. </p><p>I don't know what my issue is and why I'm struggling so hard.</p><p>I know I'm beating myself up that I should be farther along than I am at this point. I see what others have lost who had surgery at about the same time I did and I just get down. I get stuck in my own head. I'm down 90 pounds from my highest. I need to remind myself of that. I need to remind myself that I can fit into XL workout pants now and that I can get rid of my 3X pants.</p><p>Reading that last sentence, a lot of it doesn't seem real still. I still feel trapped in my body at times. The loose and sagging skin doesn't help matters. It pulls and hurts when I try to jog. I can't get into yoga poses. It makes it difficult to do flip turns in the pool. The rashes are the worst though. Being in a warmer and more humid area seems to make it so much worse. I know I can get surgeries to fix that though. It's just going to be some time before I get it.</p><p>I'm having a hard time feeling beautiful and sexy too. Part of that is due to the pandemic as well. I'm rocking the work mullet of a nice shirt and shorts or workout pants. I don't make much effort to do my hair. I've put on makeup twice since I started working from home. Once was for a BIG meeting at work. The second was to go out for a late anniversary celebration.</p><p>There's just so much running through my head and so much to unpack right now mentally. I don't know what to do. I don't know where my mental blocks are.</p><p>I'm scared I'm not going to get as much weight off as I wanted. I'm 60 pounds from the goal I wanted to try to hit. I'm so close and so far. </p><p>I'm not sure if I want to journal here or actually write. I should probably find some good journaling prompts too. </p><p>I feel lost and lonely tonight. </p>Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-75133204368549066942020-03-15T19:03:00.000-06:002020-03-15T19:03:01.657-06:006 Month UpdateThis week marks 6 months post-op. Time has flown so fast. Here's where things stand currently:<br />
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Total weight lost - 71.8 lbs<br />
Lost since surgery - 49.8 lbs.<br />
Percent weight lost - 21.8%<br />
Total inches lost - 33.5<br />
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Between my last post and now I'm shy of 20 pounds lost in 3 months. I have to keep telling myself it's not just "only" 20 pounds lost. I'm still in the supposed honeymoon phase and supposed to be losing around 10 pounds a month. It's been one of my mental blocks for the last couple of months. I'm slowly working around it.<br />
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It's odd when I sit here and say to myself I've only lost so much weight when I look at the total amount I have lost a lot. It's also been rough mentally because I don't see it a lot of the time. I'm still wearing old clothes because they still fit. Although just barely in some cases. It's left me guessing if it's the style of clothes I purchased or if they fit that bad on me 6 months ago. I think it's a bit of both if I'm honest. Some days I see it. Some days I don't. It's kind of what it is at this point. I think it's going to stay this way for a while.<br />
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The biggest struggle recently is just the number on the scale. Not the fact that I'm not as low as I want. It's more of the fact, I'm closest to the lowest I've been in my adult life. The last time I was in the 250s was when I was still living in South Dakota and had first joined T.O.P.S. Getting under 250 will be a huge milestone for me. It has lead to a mental block and scares me at the same time. I have tried and failed so many times. To get past this number will be a relief and I know it's not just going to be for "now". I don't feel like I'm explaining it well.<br />
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There's also a lot of unknowns on the other side of that number. I do truly see it as a wall in my mind to get over. Or maybe under, around or through. Who the hell knows. I'm just tired of the mental struggles with it. It even led to me eating things I wasn't supposed to and I know that played into my stall. I also wasn't tracking my food. Now that I've gotten back on track the last couple weeks the scale is moving in the right direction.<br />
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Aside from the usual mental games I play with myself, things are going really good. Dr. Greene is really pleased with how well my scars are healing and my general progress. I need to do my best to stay away from grains and fruits still even though I can eat them in small quantities. As for other foods, I can eat damn near anything and be ok. I'm finding chicken, ground turkey, and fish sit best in my new tummy. Steak is far too heavy and sits like a rock. Ground beef is ok. It depends if I've cooked it into something like burritos or if it's a burger.<br />
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I joined a gym at the beginning of the year. I've been missing not going the last 10 days. At first, it was because I was getting some of my scarves ready to sell at a convention this weekend. So I was focused on that. Then with the coronavirus starting to spread so quickly, I decided it was best to stay away as gyms can be very gross. Which bums me out a bit. I've gotten back into swimming and I'm loving it more than ever before.<br />
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Right now I'm swimming about 1400m in an hour. In October I'm doing the swimming portion of a triathlon relay with a team from work. I'll have to swim 1900m. So I've been working on endurance mostly. But it's still so easy for me to get lost in the swim and not realize an hour has gone by. I've also been getting back into strength training which is helping me swim faster. So all around I'm loving my workouts.<br />
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Here are some of the other non-scale victories I've had over the past 6 months:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Better balance</li>
<li>Not getting winded walking up 3 flights of stairs</li>
<li>Lunges don't hurt my knees anymore (or at least as much)</li>
<li>Wrap a towel completely around me</li>
<li>Smaller shoe size (from 9-9.5 to 8-8.5)</li>
<li>Ring size from 8 to 5.5</li>
<li>Less low back pain</li>
<li>Can buy XXL shirts and skirts it the normal sizes section</li>
<li>Had to move the seat forward in my car</li>
<li>Discovering I actually have collar bones and a tailbone (note: I have to be careful how I sit and for how long)</li>
<li>Finding I do, in fact, have knees</li>
<li>Feeling more comfortable in pictures</li>
<li>Playing a game of "do I still like this food?" or "will I like this food"</li>
<li>Daring to take part in a triathlon - even as just part of a relay</li>
<li>Can walk for several miles without issue and not be dead afterwards</li>
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This morning I also got a notification when I put in my weight into MyFitnessPal. I didn't realize I was so close to the halfway point, and I'm actually at 51% of the way to my goal weight. That blew my mind. Then I started thinking and realized I'm less than 40 pounds away from the top end of the range I set as my goal range. I put in a 40-pound range because I didn't know where my body would end up being happy and what would be maintainable. To actually feel so close to goal is....different. I can't explain it beyond that.</div>
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That's it for now. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. :)</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">July 2019</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February 2020</td></tr>
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<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-29047994222965458732019-12-16T20:04:00.000-07:002019-12-16T20:04:18.296-07:003 Month UpdateFor those who actually keep track of dates, my apology for this being nearly a week late. I was crazy busy last week getting ready for a craft show.<div>
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The last month has gone pretty well overall I think. Here are the current stats:</div>
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Total weight down - 55 pounds!</div>
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Since surgery - 32.8 pounds</div>
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Percent body weight lost - 16.9%</div>
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Total inches lost - 26</div>
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I'm feeling really good and moving a lot more. I'm starting to feel antsy and need to work off energy sometimes. I'm also able to go on longer walks, keep up with Marshall, and even just stand on my feet for more extended periods of time. This weekend I stood at my booth for almost the entire 6 hours.</div>
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I'm down 2 shirt sizes and now 2 pant sizes. Soon I won't have much in the way of work clothes left in my closet. Some of my clothes are truly starting to hang on me. It's a good problem, but I need to become much more friendly with my local thrift stores! I may also check out Poshmark.</div>
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Food-wise, I'm cleared for all protein. This is awesome. I do ok with ground beef, but steaks are too heavy and rich for me right now. I eat so much chicken I think I'm going to start clucking soon. The only foods I can't have are fruits, potatoes, and grains. I need to stay on a lower-carb diet for a while yet. Once I hit my goal weight I can slowly start introducing them. Although I have had some fresh fruit at work as a sweet treat now and then. Much better than partaking in all the baked goods this time of year.</div>
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My tastes are still changing. I'm having to force myself to try foods I really didn't like before surgery. Some things are small and easier to try. Like the kale salads. But I don't know if or when I'll try canned tuna. But who knows? Salty and sour things are tasting better to me. I like slightly sweet alright. The few times I've tried a nibble some pre-surgery foods I can't stand it. Usually, it's too sweet, the texture is off, or it sits like a rock in my stomach. </div>
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It's been an adjustment with cooking and eating post-op. I'm finding out what foods sit ok and that I want to eat as well as making food that Marshall wants to eat. We definitely don't eat out near as much as we used to. I still love to eat and go out to eat. I just have a hard time justifying the cost, especially in the DC area. A full-size dinner portion is now anywhere from 4-8 meals for me. You get sick of that stuff fast! There are some restaurants where I can order an appetizer that works for me, but even then that's 2-3 meals for me. It would be easiest to just share with Marshall, but sometimes he wants foods I can't have and that's ok. I'm not going to get upset when he wants something deep-fried when he's good about eating whatever I make at home.<br /><br />I'm going to do some experimenting this week. I was looking in an air frying cookbook at Barnes and Noble and got some ideas to play with. We loved steak fingers or chicken strips, but I've been hesitant to do our homemade ones because I'm trying to watch the carb count. So this week I've gotten some pork rinds to grind up and use as the breading. We'll see how that turns out. Tonight I experimented with my shepherd's pie recipe. I made a traditional one for Marshall topped with mashed potatoes. I made individual portions for me that I topped with mashed cauliflower. They turned out really good and were just enough to satisfy me without being overfull. A total serving is about 3-4 ounces of food.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEHHjQ6Ig1vREp6vV3UxaCQIKmNykebYiLJAMZhTm5I5DtJwXrmt0FEc84QhmYKocJS6fCWcs9t4wZjTql1qGnCymEs_jVnXGNTbjI-WhycjH7nygD-lU_l9spXjDtna9Yox-DVgMWx7I/s1600/20191216_194340.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEHHjQ6Ig1vREp6vV3UxaCQIKmNykebYiLJAMZhTm5I5DtJwXrmt0FEc84QhmYKocJS6fCWcs9t4wZjTql1qGnCymEs_jVnXGNTbjI-WhycjH7nygD-lU_l9spXjDtna9Yox-DVgMWx7I/s320/20191216_194340.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shepherd's Pie with mashed cauliflower</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGWbim56IUl_wa_lcEK-J_L_ol7OuWpuoweFznEj_XogZxJMr5VGstQj5tMjn0Zt2DUC2dxWdIK-zoITkpMGEbXRQgKNkQycqih9atCprtsAs-zIiEZRBrHgF4VIyp1ANb_L3DwIfOGRo/s1600/20191216_194346.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGWbim56IUl_wa_lcEK-J_L_ol7OuWpuoweFznEj_XogZxJMr5VGstQj5tMjn0Zt2DUC2dxWdIK-zoITkpMGEbXRQgKNkQycqih9atCprtsAs-zIiEZRBrHgF4VIyp1ANb_L3DwIfOGRo/s320/20191216_194346.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marshall's shepherd's pie</td></tr>
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My hair loss finally just started slowing down this week. I'm not pulling as much out as I was when brushing it out in the evenings or after I shower. That said, there is hair EVERYWHERE in our apartment. I've been scared to vacuum because I know it will just wrap around the brush and cause an even bigger mess to clean up.</div>
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I'm not seeing the changes all of the time, but I'm seeing them more often. Feeling more bones and muscles, realizing that my kneecap actually exists and that I'm gaining flexibility definitely help. It also helps when I'm wearing clothes that I've never been able to wear, or worn once 6 years ago. I'm almost to the weight I was when I got married to Marshall and that makes me feel pretty good. </div>
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Here's a comparison picture between June in Custer, SD on our road trip/move to MD and 2 weeks ago. It's the first time I've worn a button-down blouse in years.</div>
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<b>Areas To Improve:</b></div>
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While I have been doing really well, I need to be more consistent with planning my meals and measuring my portions. It will help manage my hunger and blood sugar levels better.</div>
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I also need to get back to the gym. This last month has been crazy between work and personal stuff. I'm going Wednesday to check out one new gym in the area. I'm hoping to check out the other on Thursday or Friday. I'll go from there if I want to look at more gyms or go with one of those. The first 6 months after surgery are called the honeymoon phase and when weight loss is easiest. I'm doing great, but I feel I could be doing more to help myself. Even getting to the gym a couple days a week will help immensely. If for no other reason it will help manage my back pain. I can really tell when I haven't been working out. It's better than it was, but it still hurts like a bear.<br /><br />If I don't post again before the new year, may your holidays be magical and full of love. May the New Year bring you all abundant blessings. I've been blessed this year with all the love and support I've received, and I could not be more grateful. To my dearest family and friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me. </div>
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-47884207410858891052019-11-10T20:18:00.000-07:002019-11-10T20:18:29.526-07:002 Month Update<div style="color: #203243; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I finally feel like I have the time to sit down and write a proper update! The last month or so has been really busy for me and I have barely had time for me and doing the things I want to do, much less writing down an update.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">So here are my current stats:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Total weight down - 39.1 pounds from my highest<br />Since surgery - 22.6 pounds since surgery<br />Percent body weight lost - 13.8%<br />Total inches lost - 20.825 inches!!!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I had a follow-up with my surgeon and his PA on 11/1. They are really happy with my progress and how I’m doing overall. They have no concerns that they can see. I’ve not had any issues with eating or nausea still. I don’t have to go back until the end of January. If I need them they are there though. I have been cleared to add beef and pork back into my diet as of 11/12. I have had some here and there, but not a lot. I’ve mostly been eating chicken, turkey, cheese, and eggs for my protein.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">The one funny part of the appointment was when she checked my incisions. She had to double-check when I had my surgery. She said they were healing exceptionally well and looked like they were 12 weeks and not 8-week incisions! I’ve always been a fast healer, but that made me feel really good.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Overall I’m really pleased with how I’m doing. I’m having an easier time meeting my food and water goals. I struggled a lot for a few weeks getting my water in especially, but it has gotten a lot better.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I’ve also been cleared to start strength training again! I am so excited about getting back into a routine. It’s been so busy at work that I’ve been lucky to make it downstairs at lunch 1-2 times a week to workout. I will say I’m so over walking on the treadmill and biking at the moment. I am going to start looking for a new gym soon. I really want to find a gym where I can swim too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I’ve had to start shopping in my closet too! I don’t know how long it will last that I can wear the clothes in my closet, but I’m not arguing with getting to wear clothes I haven’t been able to in a long time. I’ve gotten some good leads on some nice thrift stores in my area as well.</span></div>
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<strong style="background-color: white;">Things I’ve noticed:</strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">My tastes are changing. There are foods I wasn’t fond of or hadn’t liked that much before surgery. The big ones so far are:</span></div>
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<li><span style="background-color: white;">Kale</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white;">Tomatoes (i used to only eat them on sandwiches or cooked into things, never just eaten)</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white;">Dill pickles</span></li>
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<span style="color: #203243; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span><div style="color: #203243; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I’m having an easier time keeping up with my husband when we’re out walking around.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">My back, hips, and knees are feeling better. I’m having less pain overall.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I’m finding bones I haven’t seen/felt in a while. My collar bones are the most noticeable, but I’m noticing it in my knees, ankles, and hips too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I’ve been handling social situations fairly well. It’s not been too hard for me to stay on track overall. I do treat myself and indulge a little bit here and there. We were at a fancy dinner last night for a friend’s organization. I did have a tiny bit of the chocolate cake served. It was delicious but super-rich and sweet. It was nice to enjoy a bite or two and be done. It’s just hard to waste so much food that comes with most portions. If we eat out I usually try and order something off the appetizer menu if I can. Most times I can.</span></div>
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<strong style="background-color: white;">The bad (so far):</strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">The one side effect I wasn’t looking forward to has started a month earlier than I thought it would. Typically at about 3-6 months after surgery, most patients lose some of their hair. I’ve been shedding a LOT more than normal the last week. I cleaned out my brush before I started styling my hair one morning and by the time I was done, it looked like I hadn’t cleaned my brush out at all. It looks worse than it probably is since my hair is fairly long right now. It’s still disconcerting though. This should only last a couple of months and then my hair will start growing back. It’s still just a pain. I lost my hair after the crappy diet I did before my wedding. It took me a while to figure out the reason why and it took years for my hair to get to where it felt healthy again. I just hope I don’t lose that much total.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">With that, if you made it through here are some pics for your enjoyment.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Aug 2017</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><strong>November 2019</strong></span></div>
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<svg aria-hidden="true" class="fa d-icon d-icon-far-image svg-icon"><use xlink:href="#far-image"><svg id="far-image" viewbox="0 0 512 512"><path d="M464 64H48C21.49 64 0 85.49 0 112v288c0 26.51 21.49 48 48 48h416c26.51 0 48-21.49 48-48V112c0-26.51-21.49-48-48-48zm-6 336H54a6 6 0 0 1-6-6V118a6 6 0 0 1 6-6h404a6 6 0 0 1 6 6v276a6 6 0 0 1-6 6zM128 152c-22.091 0-40 17.909-40 40s17.909 40 40 40 40-17.909 40-40-17.909-40-40-40zM96 352h320v-80l-87.515-87.515c-4.686-4.686-12.284-4.686-16.971 0L192 304l-39.515-39.515c-4.686-4.686-12.284-4.686-16.971 0L96 304v48z"></path></svg></use></svg><span class="filename" style="margin: 6px 6px 6px 0px; outline: 0px; overflow: hidden; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">image</span><span class="informations" style="color: #7ba9c1; flex-grow: 3; flex-shrink: 0; font-size: 1em; margin: 6px; outline: 0px; padding-right: 20px;">1024×1024 195 KB</span><svg aria-hidden="true" class="fa d-icon d-icon-discourse-expand svg-icon"><use xlink:href="#discourse-expand"><svg id="discourse-expand" viewbox="0 0 1792 1792"><path d="M883 1056q0 13-10 23l-332 332 144 144q19 19 19 45t-19 45-45 19h-448q-26 0-45-19t-19-45v-448q0-26 19-45t45-19 45 19l144 144 332-332q10-10 23-10t23 10l114 114q10 10 10 23zm781-864v448q0 26-19 45t-45 19-45-19l-144-144-332 332q-10 10-23 10t-23-10l-114-114q-10-10-10-23t10-23l332-332-144-144q-19-19-19-45t19-45 45-19h448q26 0 45 19t19 45z"></path></svg></use></svg></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Day before surgery</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Halloween as Velma (I did cheat with spanx on this one)</strong></span></div>
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-87451293982269360942019-09-27T16:20:00.000-06:002019-09-27T16:20:46.981-06:002 1/2 Weeks Post-Op - Struggles & UpdatesMy two weeks off from work to recover flew by honestly. My recovery went really well, thankfully. I did much better than I expected too. I've been able to drink fairly easily without any nausea or vomiting, which is awesome. Overall I have felt really good physically.<br />
<br />
Mentally, this has been rough. It's been especially rough the last few days. It all came to a head yesterday. It's been a combination of things. Diet, lack of progress, and my hormones being out of whack have all contributed to it. I'll get into the rough stuff below, then into the better stuff from today.<br />
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I'm almost 5 weeks into my liquid diet. I am so over it. Beyond over it. I want to actually chew something. For those who know me, I have a massive sweet tooth. I can't stand anything sweet at the moment. Also, my tastes are changing. Protein shakes and water enhancers I loved before surgery I can't stand now. It's not just that though. It started Wednesday and got really bad yesterday, but I don't like the taste of anything at the moment. Plain water, water with flavor, any of my protein shakes, the protein soup mix, jello, none of it. It all tastes bad. I can't describe the flavor and I really don't want to. I have to drink 3 shakes and get 50-60 ounces of liquids in a day, and I don't want any of it. So I'm literally choking down stuff to make sure I don't get dehydrated. To top it all off, I found out my lactose intolerance is back. Lucky me.<br />
<br />
All of the food issues would be bearable if I was seeing some sort of progress, but I'm not. The scale hasn't moved the last week. It's basically a nice flat line on a graph within a 1lb. range. I'm also looking at my clothes and not seeing any changes there. This is beyond frustrating given all the work and pain I've gone through these last months.<br />
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One of the other fun side effects of surgery is it plays havoc with your hormones. First off, by removing 80% of the stomach, you are removing a lot of the area that produces and secretes the hunger hormone ghrelin. The stress of surgery puts all of your other hormones out of whack, including all of the lady hormones. It can cause your period to start early and make the mood swings worse. So this week has been a bit of hell for me. It hasn't been all that fun for my husband either.<br />
<br />
Yes, I know I'm only 2 1/2 weeks out. Yes, I know it takes time. These are logical thoughts and great ones. I was telling them to myself last night in an effort to get out of my funk. My emotions did a big old "Screw you!" and ignored all scientific fact and logic.<br />
<br />
All of this built up in my head over the last couple days and the dam broke last night. I was absolutely regretting the surgery last night. I know most everyone has seen this picture:<br />
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<img alt=""Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." -Alexis Carell" height="640" src="https://i.imgur.com/Nk0NkVw.jpg" width="404" /><br />
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I didn't feel like I was carving my way out of this body. I felt more trapped than ever. I felt like I was trapped in this horrid cage of a body and clawing madly with no way out. It was not a good night.<br />
<br />
I woke up feeling a little better today thankfully. I also had follow-ups with my surgeon and dietitian since I start solid foods next week.<br />
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I talked to Dr. Greene about everything. It's all normal. Because of my starting weight and how long I've been on the liquid diet, stalls at 2-3 weeks out are exceptionally common in his patients. He was expecting it. Since I'm starting on solid foods next week, I should start seeing the scale move soon.<br />
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It's also normal for tastes to change. I knew from research and talking to Dr. Greene that my tastes would change. I thought it was just what I would and wouldn't like, but it's not. It's even how food tastes in general. They aren't sure what causes the tastes to change. The current theory is that between removing a lot of the hunger hormones and the changes in the bacterial biome in your gut, your tastes change. He apologized for it being so rough, but it happens to almost everyone.<br />
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Overall he is very happy with my recovery. I have no hernias at my incision sites. I'm almost done with my blood thinner shots. Thank heaven. They cause the worst bruising. If anyone needs some ideas for a color palette for zombie makeup, I can send pictures for your Pinterest board. I'm calling my belly a zombie dalmatian.<br />
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The dietitian is pleased with my progress too. We went over what I can and can't have the next couple of weeks. I'll get into that in another post.<br />
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So yeah. I'm doing better than I thought I would be. In some ways, this is harder than I thought, and I knew it would be a struggle going in. Thankfully no one has told me I took the easy way out by doing this. The way I feel at the moment I would bitch them out until kingdom come if they did. There is nothing easy about this. Worth it (from all I've been told), but far from easy.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-450097779861749922019-09-12T16:58:00.002-06:002021-02-03T18:13:33.120-07:00On the road to recoveryRight about a year ago I started struggling more and more with the scale. It seemed like no matter what I did, I couldn't get it to budge. Eat more, eat less, lift more, lift less, number of reps, how much cardio, all of it. Talking with Dr. Hendrick we were both at a loss of what to do next. The other solutions he uses are ways to jumpstart the weight loss, not for long term use. So I decided to look into bariatric surgery.<br />
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This is not something I have ever wanted or considered doing before. It was not up for discussion. So for me to finally start researching it says a lot for those who know me best. By the end of 2018, I decided to start talking with surgeons. To find a doctor I liked I had to go to Denver.<br />
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My insurance at the time wouldn't cover it so I was looking at around $13000 out of pocket. The upside to paying for it myself is that I didn't have as many hoops to jump through. So by the end of March, I was ready to schedule the surgery.<br />
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Then it got postponed, but for the best reason. I have been job hunting hard for several years, but I've been picky. Very picky. For the first time, I had the luxury of looking for a job I wanted, and not just working for an organization for a paycheck. The time, frustration, and patience paid off in spades. I pretty much got my dream job at a company I have wanted to work at for a very long time. I moved out to Maryland at the end of May to start my job. Then I went back to Colorado in mid-June to get Marshall, pack our stuff, and hit the road.<br />
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While I was out in Maryland by myself I started researching surgeons out here and found an office I liked the looks of. I went to a class sponsored by one of the surgeons and set up an appointment with her. Things seemed to go well, and she said she could use my visits from Dr. Hendrick and the surgeon in Colorado to submit to insurance. I just had a laundry list of paperwork to bring in. The day before my next appointment, when I got the reminder call I was told she had left the practice and they had moved me to Dr. Joseph Greene. I decided to see if I liked this new surgeon and go from there. Luckily I did, and I think it turned out to be the better choice in the long run.<br />
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I turned up with all of my papers and was told that I was the most prepared patient he's ever had. I just wanted everything to go smoothly. After some running around with phone calls and signing waivers, all the paperwork got sent to Dr. Greene. Well, everything except my psych evaluation. We found that out the morning of surgery. Luckily we were able to get the right people on the phone and get it faxed over. Before Dr. Greene could start talking to me about surgery though, I had to sign the waiver from the psychiatrist. I was in pre-op when all of this happened.<br />
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The surgery went really well. It took longer than planned because of some surprise scar tissue, but I'm glad he took the time to make sure he worked around it. They have a really good pain management plan and I've been doing really well. I took some of "the good stuff" to sleep last night, but I've only had Tylenol today. I'm up and moving around pretty good. The only thing that really hurts is my throat from the breathing tube.<br />
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So there's what I had surgery for. I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. They sliced off about 80% of my stomach. Because of where hormone receptors are I won't feel hunger anymore, or not as much. Considering I've been on a liquid diet the last 3 weeks, it has been a godsend. I still have 3 more weeks of liquids before I move back to solid foods.<br />
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I kept this very quiet because I had enough doubts in my head. I had all the thoughts of "if only I had more willpower" or "If I just tried one last time". But after all these years of trying, if I could have done it on my own, I would have.<br />
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Feel free to ask me anything.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-45706924288792125752018-09-06T22:16:00.000-06:002018-09-06T22:16:10.437-06:00Trials and ErrorsMy summer up through the first part of July was busy. To be honest, I've just enjoyed having quiet time to myself the last month and a half.<div>
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As an update from my last entry, I'm feeling a lot better mentally. I still have moments of doubt and all, but it feels like "normal" doubt. Not the depression monster in my head. I've gotten back into a groove with my working out, but eating has been a real struggle. I saw my pulmonologist and we've gotten the pressures figured out. He had to lower them a bit for me. Part of my struggle now is sinus issues due to allergies and the smoke from wildfires. I feel like I am permanently congested and sneezing.</div>
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The last 4-6 weeks have been a challenge. I emailed Dr. Hendrick to ask about the other weight loss meds he was thinking of having me try. At our last <span style="background-color: white;">appointment, </span>we started talking more about it again. He wanted to kick start my weight loss again. I was wanting information from him to do some more research. He was honest with me and let me know which ones he was thinking of, but that the good information is hard to find. There's a lot of less than reputable sites that give half the facts. He said he would give me all the information I could need at our next appointment in mid-September. </div>
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I felt like I just wasn't making progress. I have been lifting back at full weights and upping my weights week to week. It even got to the point that I was looking at weight loss surgery again. Even going so far as to see which of the three different types of procedures I thought would work best. It made me sad to think I needed to do that, even if the surgery is just another tool for me to use. It is not the easy way out.</div>
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I don't really remember how it came about, but I started doing more research on intermittent fasting. I don't know if it was a news article, something I saw on Facebook, or what. It is something Dr. Hendrick has been wanting me to try for a while. I was reading up on the science and theory behind it for fat loss. I decided what the heck. At the time I started it, I had a month before my next appointment. I might as well treat myself as a science experiment and see if it works. On a random Tuesday morning, I decided to try it. It has been two weeks, and so far, so good. There are several different ways to do intermittent fasting, but I have been fasting for 16 hours and have an 8-hour window to eat.</div>
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The theory is that after you finish eating for the night, your body is in a digestion phase anywhere from 8-12 hours. Anything after the 12-hour mark your body is fasting and will start using fat as fuel. Eating more lean protein does help the body using fat instead of muscle as fuel. </div>
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Overall it hasn't been too bad. It's been great having one less meal to plan, and I don't feel as rushed in the mornings. I do still get coffee in the morning, I just have to limit the flavored creamer so the fast doesn't get broken early. Aside from a few days where I felt very run down and had a headache I have felt great and have had more energy. On the days I have felt like crap, I have broken my fast early and eaten a protein bar or a piece of fruit. I felt better shortly afterward. As always, listening to my body is key.</div>
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As for breaking my fast, I break it around lunchtime after I have my workout. I have a little bit more than I normally would at lunch and dinner, but not by that much. When all is said and done I've been averaging around 1800 calories per day with a range of 1500-2100 calories. It depends on how hard I worked out and how hungry I feel. It has also helped me face my fear of hunger and get over it. Well, for the most part. Having a growling stomach in meetings is not the best thing!</div>
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Other things from the last couple of weeks:</div>
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<ul>
<li>I've dropped between 4-5 pounds. It depends on the day you look at my scale</li>
<li>Huge difference in how my clothes fit. I have 2 pairs of pants that I dare not wear outside the house</li>
<li>Pair of leggings purchased a year ago now fit. At the time I bought them they wouldn't go past mid-thigh</li>
<li>Better attitude</li>
<li>More focused at work</li>
<li>I'm eating less at meals and feeling satiated sooner</li>
</ul>
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So right now I'm feeling hopeful and finding some success. Right now I just want to get back under 300 pounds, and I am so freaking close. This week or next and I should be there. </div>
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I have also found that I do best when weighing myself every day or every other day. I need the data points to keep me accountable. By keeping my food logs I can go back and see what caused a spike in my weight. Anything from eating, to that time of the month, to too many carbs can cause my weight to spike as much as 4 to 5 pounds in a single day. It helps to see the trend of it going down though and knowing that the weight will come back down. I've been using an app called Libra to help me with this. They have trending weight, average loss, and projected weight loss. It's handy and I like it.</div>
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-47908242515301426372018-06-06T21:56:00.002-06:002018-06-06T21:56:51.893-06:00The Depression Monster<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been quiet for because I've been struggling, but not sure how to vocalize it. Some days are better than others. I've been really resentful of the process. Exercising, eating, my schedule, all of it. This weekend was especially awful.<br /><br /> I've dealt with depression for years, but I have never been officially diagnosed. All weekend I was feeling kind of down, and by Sunday night I was retreating from the world and hiding. I sat and wrote in my journal for a good while and my husband kept coming to check on me. He knew some of what i had been dealing with and thinking, but not the extent of it. <br /><br /> I have been super frustrated with my weight loss or lack there of. I've been maintaining in the same 5 pound range since November. In the last 2 weeks I've crept back over 300 pounds a couple of days. There's been a lot of reasons for all of this, that logically I know. But there comes a point when logic doesn't matter. Here's what's been going on the last couple months:<br /></span><ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finishing up physical therapy for my knee. I had pulled back from weight lifting so I didn't hurt myself more. I love weight lifting and can't stand cardio. Where I could only really do cardio, I didn't want to go to the gym.</span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven't been sleeping well. Even with my CPAP I've been restless at night. I finally figured out the pressures were too high and needed to call my pulmonologist.</span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My self worth was in the septic tank. I had a record going over and over in my head that I was worthless. There's no point in keeping trying as I have failed before and I was stupid to think that I could do it this time. And on and on and on. </span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Continuing on from 3, flashbacks of being bullied and the horrible things I was called as a pre-teen and teen.</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />I had Marshall read my journal entry. All he did when he finished reading it was hug me tight and said he was never letting me go. No matter how much I wanted to pull away. Then we sat and talked.<br /><br />He brought up a good point and that was my depression symptoms have gotten worse since I've gone off of the Contrave pill I was using. My obesity doctor and I decided I should go off it because it didn't seem to be helping much. I wasn't struggling with cravings or the like so I went off of it. Well, one of the reasons my doc chose that med is that one of the active ingredients is also a mild antidepressant. We had talked a bit about my personal history and he thought it would be good for me to be on one. Nothing major. Marshall pointed out other times this has happened, including times family members do it. So there's every chance this is a bit genetic as well. I felt so much better after talking with Marshall about it all. I had an appointment with Dr. Hendrick on Tuesday. I was originally going to reschedule it. I've finally been getting back to the gym and strength training again. I wanted to even have a week to say "This is where I'm at!" But in the discussion about depression I decided I needed to keep the appointment. If I'm starting to struggle this badly with depressive symptoms I need help. I can't put it off. So I went.<br /><br />Dr. Hendrick was very supportive and helpful as usual. He wouldn't prescribe an anti-depressant for me. He wants me to work with my primary care physician on that. The ultimate goal is for me to get the weight off, be good at maintenance, and not see him anymore. So there's that. So here's the run down of my meeting with him.<br /> </span><ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been doing great at maintaining. He thinks that when i get down to a good weight my body is happy at, I should be able to maintain it with minimal struggles. With a caveat of what I already know. Maintaining is harder than losing in some respects. But he said I'm already showing skills to do well at maintaining my weight in stressful situations, so there is that. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My eating habits are doing really well. He's really happy with the progress I've made on that front. With what I'm eating and when. What I do when confronted with unhealthy food situations. My job is a landmine of cookies, brownies, and sweets. It's awful. As he put it, it's borderline abuse. </span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He wanted me to follow up with my primary doc about getting on a med and talk about other treatment options. He warned me to be careful of talk therapy. It means digging up messy emotions that could trigger emotional binge eating, which we don't need. </span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also needed to get my cpap pressures changed so I can get good sleep at night. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He's very hopeful for me and was very happy I came in and asked for help. He also said I'm really fragile right now. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />So I saw my primary doc today and we had a good chat. She put me on the same med as in contrave, but at a lower dose to get started. Luckily the med I'm on is one of the few that doesn't usually cause weight gain. I go back in 3 weeks for a follow-up and see if I need to see a counselor. She was very empathetic and understanding. She also agreed with Dr. Hendrick about going into counseling with caution.<br /><br />I also called my pulmonologist. I will say my CPAP is awesome. He was able to remotely adjust the settings so I didn't need to go in and see him. He did have his nurse ask me if I had lost more weight since I was in for my 6 month visit in October. I'm down maybe another 5-10 pounds. Turns out he has the pressures set pretty much as low as they can go. I have a follow up in 3 weeks to see him too. I'm hoping that this is good news and I may be getting off my cpap. We'll see though!<br /><br />I don't have an official diagnosis of depression, but I'm on a low-dose antidepressant. I hope this helps. I have felt so crappy and apathetic the last few weeks and I'm over it. The last few days have been better. Not perfect, but better. It helps I've been able to get back into strength training. I've been taking it really easy so I don't overdo it and hurt myself again. So I started back at squatting 65 pounds last week and I'm already up to 85 pounds this week. I'm hoping by the end of the month to be close to where I was. 150-ish pound squats, 65 pound bench press. Those are the two I remember for certain.<br /><br /> I will say this though. If you are having frequent bouts of self-doubt, lethargy, apathy or other depressive symptoms. See your doctor. It doesn't matter if it's weight related or not. They can help. Your mental health and well being is far too important to ignore.</span></div>
Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-39912153241592354402018-04-01T18:05:00.001-06:002018-04-01T18:05:41.091-06:00Back on track and feeling hopefulI haven't posted in a long long time it feels like. The holidays got in the way initially, then I felt like I didn't really have anything to say, and then I didn't know how to articulate what I wanted to say. I know I needed help, but I didn't know what I needed help with or how to ask for it. Silly I know. The last 4 months or so I have been maintaining my weight. I have yet to figure out if I took a true maintenance break or if it was a plateau. At least I wasn't regaining weight.<br />
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I have slacked off on my workouts lately too. I've been battling a head cold and sinus infection the last couple weeks. Part of it is dealing with a knee injury. The irony is the non-runner has runner's knee. I've only had two PT appointments though and my knee is almost completely better! The other part of it was February and March blahs brought on by just getting tired of winter and deep in hibernation mode. All that means is I was feeling exceptionally anti-social due to seasonal depression. I'm not one to be out in the sun a lot, but damn I miss it when it disappears for a few days. On the upside I have been trying to go swimming a couple days a week with a friend, so that's been a lot of fun. It's been great girl time.<br />
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This last week I finally feel like I've gotten back on track with my eating. I bought a lot of easy foods for healthy and fast meals last week. Breakfast has been eggs, toast, and coffee. Lunch was low-carb wraps, with a variety of fresh veggies, fruit, and some cheese. Dinner has been a variety of things. I immediately started feeling good again and having more energy. I also noticed that my craving for sweets diminished quite a bit too. I ended up having a great loss at TOPS this week as well. It was 2.25 pound if I remember right. <br />
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Friday I had a follow up with Dr. H. I am down 3 pounds from the last visit. Again we had a great discussion. He was concerned because it looked like my weight loss had slowed down quite a bit. So he brought up if I thought the Contrave was still working, and maybe changing it out with a different one. He was also concerned about costs for me, which I appreciate. In the discussion about other possible meds to try we went on to discussing changing up my eating habits. We talked about three different options.<br />
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1) Go down to two meals per day. I wouldn't be cutting out any calories, just the number of meals. I'm not sure how feasible this is during the work week for me, but on the weekends this usually ends up being the case anyways.<br />
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2) Change up my calorie distribution - make breakfast my biggest meal of the day, and dinner the smallest. Easy enough change to make.<br />
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3) Intermittent fasting - Going 24 hours without eating. He would like me try it one day a week and see how it goes. If I'm feeling up to trying a science experiment. Damn him speaking my language! haha<br />
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All 3 options have had a variety of studies done and have been shown to promote weight loss. Those who participate in intermittent fasting usually do it 3 days week (every other day) but it has been shown to be helpful with even one day a week.<br />
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The biggest part of our discussion surrounded option 2. <a href="https://www.endocrine.org/news-room/2018/high-energy-breakfast-promotes-weight-loss-helps-reduce-total-daily-insulin-dose-for-type-2-diabetes" target="_blank">There was a study published this last week</a> that had very positive and amazing results. It was looking at type 2 diabetics and what happened if they had 6 small even sized meals versus 3 meals with breakfast being the largest and dinner the smallest. Both groups at the same amount of calories. The group that ate the 6 small meals ended up gaining 2kg over the 3 month study and using 2 units of insulin more per day. The group that ate the small dinner ended up LOSING 5kg and using 20 units LESS of insulin per day. That's a huge difference! Dr. H said they weren't sure if it's the large breakfast, the small dinner, or a combo of the two that helps with weight loss. While I don't have to worry about insulin use, I will definitely be giving this a try.<br />
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Towards the end of our meeting I went back to the earlier discussion about changing up the med. He said he wasn't going to for two reasons. The first is I didn't seem particularly excited about it. The second is that given some comments I made about eating mindfully and the like, the contrave is working. He said he thinks he was just making a mountain out of a mole-hill. The slight gain I had was over the holidays. We'll see how things go this next month and go from there.<br />
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I'm so happy I started seeing him. He seems to know exactly what I need to feel like I'm getting back on track and get me moving in the right direction again.<br />
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In other news I was a division winner in my TOPS chapter this last year. Each division is broken up by how much you weigh at the start of the year. I lost 26 pounds last year.<br />
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So far things are looking up. I really want to try and do more blogging this year. I enjoy the writing as an outlet. Hopefully I can keep this going.</div>
<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-36014876328173699182017-12-21T20:51:00.000-07:002017-12-21T20:51:18.296-07:00The Best Christmas Gift I have given myself the best Christmas gift imaginable this year.<br />
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In April when I started with Dr. Hendrick he ran all of my blood work. There were some not so good numbers in there, but the one that concerned me the most was my A1C. It came back at 5.7%, which is pre-diabetic. Just barely, but it was official. I was disappointed, frustrated, and not surprised.<br />
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Other issues were<br />
<ul>
<li>borderline high blood pressure</li>
<li>fasting blood sugar at 99 </li>
<li>my vitamin D was incredibly low.</li>
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I had my annual physical this week. The nurse practitioner was really happy with the progress I have made and told me to keep doing what I was doing. Yesterday I had my blood work done. By early afternoon all of my results were available through the online portal. Except my A1C. The doctor's office said it would be today or Friday. This has driven me nuts all damn day.<br />
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About 15 minutes ago I got an email saying the online portal had been updated with new test results.<br />
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My A1C results were in.<br />
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I took a deep breath and logged in. It was the moment of truth.<br />
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Have the last 8 months of hard work paid off? Truly paid off? This is the valuable stuff. Not the scale, not the clothes, but my health.<br />
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Here's the rundown.<br />
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Blood Pressure<br />
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April: 150/96<br />
December: 112/70<br />
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Fasting Blood Sugar<br />
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April: 99<br />
December: 87<br />
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Vitamin D<br />
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April: 13.7<br />
December: 44<br />
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A1C<br />
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April: 5.7%<br />
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*drum roll*<br />
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December: 5.2%!!!!!!<br />
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I dropped my A1C 0.5% in 8 months!<br />
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I have no idea how this stacks up with others and what is normally expected, but I am ecstatic. The diagnosis isn't official yet, but I am no longer in the pre-diabetic range.<br />
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I cheered. I bawled. My husband hugged me tight.<br />
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More than anything it has made all of the struggles and the moments of "I don't wanna" worth it. It's also making me more determined to get back on track as soon as possible. I'm even rearranging some of what I was going to make for Christmas dinner to make a small start.<br />
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There's times I have trouble seeing my progress, and other times it is so clear. One of those times is from my Christmas last year vs. this year. These are photo booth pics and aren't the best. You can see it easier in other pictures, but I'll upload those some other time.<br />
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With that, I'm going to go relax and read. If I don't post before, may your holidays be blessed with love, laughter, and joy.<br />
<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-24438254994202589032017-11-01T19:00:00.000-06:002017-11-01T19:00:15.886-06:00Progress Beyond the Scale & Medical UpdatesAfter I got back from Ireland I had a very small gain that was around 3 pounds. Not bad all in all. I think most of it was water retention from the long plane ride home. I did a lot of walking on my trip. My "low" day for steps according to my fitbit was around 10,000 steps. I was also able to control what I ate and when. Yes, I indulged a fair amount. Rich food, decadent desserts, and lots of Guinness. I drank more in that 10 days than I have in probably the last 6 months. At least. Aside from the indulgences, I had the weight off within a couple days.<br />
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The week after I got home I went to DC for a work conference. That trip was harder. Most of the meals were catered or were networking functions at a restaurant others chose. It left me having to make the best choice out of a lot of bad ones. I came home with about a 7 pound gain! I was only gone 3 days! Luckily I had most of it off by the time I had my Thursday weigh in for TOPS and turtled (turtle = stayed the same).<br />
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The Monday after I returned from DC I had a follow-up with Dr. Hendrick. I was dreading going in because I had a gain. I didn't know what he'd say and I thought for certain I was in for a lecture. It turns out my gain wasn't as bad as I thought, about 0.5 pounds. He only mentioned it briefly during the appointment though.<br />
<br />We had a fantastic discussion! Successes I had on my trips and struggles. We went over strategies for getting back on track. He talked about the gains I had on my trips, but told me to look at the broader picture. It had been 6 weeks since I had seen him. I had a total of a half pound gain. He said when I'm at home and doing things right, I'm losing. The trips were just trips. I have ideas on how to handle business trips in the future. And I was within my rights to enjoy Ireland to the fullest. He told me I am on track and doing really well and to be proud.<br />
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The last thing we talked about was tracking my food. The way he put it blew my mind. I have my reasons why I eat the foods I eat. It could be a meal that fuels my weight loss or it could be a comfort meal, but I need to track it. Why? Because I need the data. All MyFitnessPal, or any food journal does, is measure the nutrition value of a meal. Yes there are multiple meals a day, but it measures that one meal to the standards and needs I have. If a meal is "off" I can look at the data and see where I can improve. It's a tool to measure my fuel intake. Nothing more or less. It isn't judging me or my behaviors, just the content of my food.<br />
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When I said I had never looked at it that way and to just treat it as data he grinned and then got the scientist in me going. He told me to treat each meal as an experiment. My hypothesis is to see if the meal I built fuels my weight loss or not. The data will tell me and tell me where I can tweak. Silly doctors and knowing their patients! Looking at it that way has helped though.<br />
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****<br />
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Yesterday I had my 6 month follow up with my pulmonologist since starting my CPAP. It went well. I was commended for taking it with me on my business trips and to Ireland. Dr. J wanted to know if I filled the reservoir with Guinness. I told him no and that I used Jameson instead. He laughed.<br />
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I got some grief because I have missed some nights here and there for usage. Some nights I fall dead asleep the moment my head hits the pillow and before I get a chance to put the mask on. Other nights, I haven't wanted to wear the damned thing. So I need to get better about that. I also was lectured a bit on my usage each night. I am supposed to use it for at least 6, but 7 is preferred for optimal sleep. My average use was about 6 hours 45 minutes. Part of that is due to a bit of a crazy schedule right now with Marshall filling in on some night shifts and I don't get to bed until 11:30-midnight. Ugh.<br />
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As the appointment was winding down he asked if I had anything else to discuss. I told him I had taken his advice and started seeing Dr. Hendrick. Dr. J recommended him after my 1 month appointment and I was frustrated that there was no change in the scale.<br />
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Dr. J lit up and said he had been getting updates. He wanted to know how I was doing and was very congratulatory when I said I was down 35 pounds from my highest, but I didn't know what my chart said there. According to their office I'm down 25 pounds. He apologized for not even looking at that part of my chart. He was excited that I am getting so close to being 10% down. He wanted to know about my Dexa scans and if I had a second one done yet. I told him no, but the first one was cool. I told him that according to the scans I have 140 pounds of bone and lean muscle. Dr. J and his nurse stared at me in surprise.<br />
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Dr. J came over to me looking very serious then, but with a bit of pride too. He wanted to know if we had set a goal weight yet. I told him I hadn't, but given my muscle and bone mass, that I think I am looking at 180-190 pounds at the lowest. Provided I don't lose too much muscle mass. He freaking beamed at me. He said that should be my absolute lowest and right at 200 pounds might be good for me. 200 POUNDS. I never thought I would hear a doctor say that would be a healthy weight for me. I'm so used to hearing that I need to be under 150! Anyways, Dr. J said that I am not due for another year and if I keep up like I am he has no problem scheduling another sleep test to get me off of it! Then he said if I get another 50-60 pounds off before my visit next year to give him a call. He will do the sleep test then! I almost hugged him.<br />
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His nurse was walking me out and talking to me about everything. We had talked a bit in the exam room about my energy and sleep quality. She said she was wanting to get more active but that it was hard. I bit down on my initial reply of she didn't need to lose weight. Body image issues are so rough, and if she wants to get healthier, good for her. I told her that if she really wants it, she'll find a way. She asked what I was doing for workouts and how I fit them in. I told her I go on my lunch breaks a couple days a week. She looked kind of surprised and asked why that time. I was blunt and said I won't get up early, and once I get home I'm done. It's what works for me. She agreed with that thought and said she would try it. I told her, quite honestly, if I can get my butt in gear and do this she can too.<br />
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She looked me dead in the eye and whispered, "You're my new hero." I had no idea what to say other than thank you.<br />
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I wanted to deny it. I'm still so close to the beginning of the journey and haven't done much. At least it feels that way. But I have done a lot. I have been hearing from quite a few friends that I inspire them, and it warms my heart. I see Marshall making small changes because of my examples. I wasn't expecting someone, who is pretty much a stranger, to say that to me.<br />
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I think that doctor's visit was a success. :)<br />
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***<br />
Oh, one last note for this post. The fall rally for the TOPS chapters of the Front Range was while I was in Ireland. When I got back I was given an award I had been awarded. Between the 1st of January and end of July I had lost 20.25#!<br />
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<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-10429417938284953612017-10-31T20:58:00.000-06:002017-10-31T20:58:03.123-06:00Getting back on trackI am finally home and feel like my schedule is getting back to normal. October was a whirlwind month to put it mildly. It was fantastic and wonderful and I am so glad I went on my trip to Ireland. I am so so happy to be home though.<br />
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Ireland was amazing. I didn't know how many shades of green there were. I wasn't expecting flowers to still be blooming in October. Fuchsia, dahlias, hydrangeas, and so many more were in bloom. It was gorgeous. I was also surprised by the size of the plants. It's amazing what great soil and plenty of water can do. Dahlias as tall as me. Hydrangea bushes that came up to me chin and twice my arm span. Giant fuchsia bushes and not the little ones I see in hanging pots around here.<br />
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Our tour was fantastic. Driftwood tours did a great job and I can't say enough about it. From accommodations, restaurant recommendations, lodging, activities, and how they set our group up I couldn't be more pleased. All 16 of us got along and had a great time. No one was ever late to the bus, and by the last day were all 10 minutes early to the surprise of our guide.<br />
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I took so many pictures and I am working through them all slowly. I did get some through Lightroom so I could enter the monthly contest for Vagabond. They narrow down photo submissions to the top 5 and the one with the most votes wins a prize. This month it's a hamper of chocolates from Skellig Chocolates. Of course I have to enter that!<br />
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Of course I keep getting asked about my favorite thing about the trip.<br />
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There were so many places we went that it's hard to narrow down in some ways what may favorite places were. The top ones that come to mind were not the major places like Blarney Castle or the Cliffs of Moher. Don't get me wrong they were fantastic and I would go back in a heartbeat, but the off the beaten track places were where I really fell in love with the country.<br />
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Meeting an old druid at Poulnabrone Dolmen who was making jewelry. I bought necklaces with Marshall's and my names in Ogham on them.<br />
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A surprise stop at St. Brigid's well and seeing all the memorials people have left behind with prayers for their sick loved ones and those who have passed.<br />
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Seeing cemeteries that will have a headstone from the 16th century feet away from one from 2017. They don't stop using the old cemeteries there.<br />
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The town of Dingle will always hold a special place in my heart.<br />
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Facing my fear of heights to climb castles. Especially Blarney Castle and kiss the Blarney Stone.<br />
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And I could go on and on.<br />
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There is only one real negative from the whole trip I can think of. Dublin was surprisingly dirty and had a lot of graffiti. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. The city was nice, I felt relatively safe, and I had no issues. Aside from some things in Dublin that I didn't get to see this time, it won't be where I want to spend my time though.<br />
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My absolute favorite thing though? Without a doubt hand's down?<br />
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<b>I was able to do, physically, everything I wanted to do.</b><br />
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Climbing castles, walking all day, short hikes, wandering after we got to our hotels at night, and so much more. I couldn't have done it a year ago. Even six months ago would have been a real struggle for me. That more than anything made me realize how bad off I was. But I have no regrets or guilt about how I treated my body. I am grateful for NOW. I'm fixing the issues. I was able to fully appreciate being fully mobile and full of energy. It's hard to comprehend how much mobility you have lost until you have it back.<br />
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I am still so proud of myself and I am still riding the high I have from all of that and thinking about all I accomplished personally on the trip.<br />
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There was only one day I said no to doing anything. We were going to Bantry House and there is a beautiful garden and overlook of the house and Bantry Bay. But the overlook is a steep stairway that is made of slate. The slate is slick as hell when it gets wet, and of course it was raining that day. I knew going up would be ok, but my knee was giving me fits going down stairs. There weren't any handrails. I took one look and said "Nope!" and headed inside. Laura went on her merry way up.<br />
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I do think that some of our tour mates thought we were mad at each other sometimes because we weren't always attached at the hip. It wasn't the case at all. We just knew when the other needed alone time and went our separate ways. We knew the other would find the bus or hotel or whatever when the time came.<br />
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Here's a few photos. I'm sure I'll post more here and there as I get them done.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fountain at Abbeyglen Castle Hotel </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">St. Brigid's Well</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dingle Bay</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Glengariff</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heavenly Port at Dingle Bay</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rainbow over Killary Fjord</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slea Head drive, Dingle Peninsula</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNl76Q0hoHTmiXVcLKcK64GRkUDbs0YFba8GVNoiosWxFpb0I8FTLS5mAE_JeDjTaCiLIi6rGxRrUtcTNHdPiSO7E2jcwUfjgVzkl90q7erFHrO0yuy7wfAJLuFdAXsuyircE3MGYEQ3Q/s1600/slea+head+drive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNl76Q0hoHTmiXVcLKcK64GRkUDbs0YFba8GVNoiosWxFpb0I8FTLS5mAE_JeDjTaCiLIi6rGxRrUtcTNHdPiSO7E2jcwUfjgVzkl90q7erFHrO0yuy7wfAJLuFdAXsuyircE3MGYEQ3Q/s400/slea+head+drive.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slea Head Drive, Dingle Peninsula.</td></tr>
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<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-60222942007075010022017-09-23T22:10:00.000-06:002017-09-23T22:10:33.329-06:00Learning self-love and forgivenessI'm down 30 pounds. I actually hit it a few weeks back. I'm being so cautious about losing weight this time. It is so easy to dismiss 5, 10, and even 15 pounds lost. 5-10 can easily be gained or lost in a week depending on what you eat and, for us ladies, the time of the month it is. There was something in me about hitting 30 pounds lost. I am finally starting to feel the smallest bit of hope that I am doing it this time. Hope that I will get there, eventually. It's such a fragile bit of hope. I feel like I'm trying to get a wilted plant to grow and baby it along.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy2o3wav28u7kUtf1Zj6-DZbYQ_1XSdJo1E0a6FPi0aBPTDJreFGfW7mNSO5Z4etXsgKJUI2R7ldNkuZBSv1FPZBJTauzgPj6fdf75aRQbdFgDsrrsc7nsUu_wBVS3267mushepu4_Iws/s1600/IMG_20170922_104425992_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy2o3wav28u7kUtf1Zj6-DZbYQ_1XSdJo1E0a6FPi0aBPTDJreFGfW7mNSO5Z4etXsgKJUI2R7ldNkuZBSv1FPZBJTauzgPj6fdf75aRQbdFgDsrrsc7nsUu_wBVS3267mushepu4_Iws/s320/IMG_20170922_104425992_HDR.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marshall wanted a pic the other day to prove how tired I looked. We were both able to see my weight loss in my face.</td></tr>
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It's a long, slow process this time. But it is so worth it. I'm doing it the right way. More importantly I'm doing it for the right reasons. Yes I want to wear clothes from "normal" stores. Yes I want to wear cute clothes. Yes I want to feel like a "normal" part of society and not deal with being fat-shamed anymore. Yes I want to feel good in my skin again. And hell yes, my health is at the top of this list. But my reason? I'm learning to love myself again. I was doing good years ago, and I am not sure what happened or when. I don't think it was one thing. However, I am back there now.<br />
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Some of it is being down 30 pounds. I won't lie. It feels great. More than that, it's the things I'm doing day to day that are making me feel amazing that are helping the most. I am noticing with my strength training, I'm walking taller. I'm not hunched over or looking at my feet as I walk. I'm holding my head up high again. I'm feeling better with the foods I am eating, and learning how to eat again.<br />
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I had a follow up with Dr. Hendrick a week and a half ago. It was a fantastic visit. I don't know if I had caught him on bad days previously or what, but he was laughing and joking with me. Part of me wonders if he had been reserved until he knew I was truly taking this seriously and after being 25 pounds down since starting with him he sees that I am serious. I don't know. We had an incredibly positive discussion about the eating habits I'm developing. We talked about how I am eating when I'm full. What eating to satisfaction means. And whether it is a healthy piece of fish or a decadent cupcake of just eating 80% of it to see if that satisfies me. Does it satisfy my hunger? Does it satisfy my cravings? He acknowledges that there are times we emotionally eat, it will happen. What we need to do is recognize when the food is no longer tasting good and allowing ourselves to stop and be ok.<br />
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I also find it funny that Marshall knows when I'm done before I do. I'll start looking at the food on my plate, usually unconsciously, and stare at the food. Mentally I'm just staring at it. Sometimes I wonder what I want next. Sometimes there's no thought there at all. Sometimes I know I'm within one or two bites to "done" and wondering what I want to finish with. Every single time Marshall looks at me and tells me I'm done. It's ok to to put the fork down and leave food on my plate. That's hard for me sometimes. I was raised in a household where you clear your plate. There's such an odd sense of freedom in being able to eat until I'm done and leaving it. Case in point, dinner tonight. We ordered calzones. I left just under half of my calzone. I was done. This never would have happened a year ago. I would have eaten until I was painfully full, and regretting it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgby1nFD7T7YHKbGQPTuOFeP7ivbBC_DoZZANVm7kNot9mZ0VxGQ9cTqUeeFnZHSnS1RTIHmPYZ2sp_i9ML8M0nJ-yPDJIJPUB5Cwotez2XWCBMVy26Jzn7YhRbNxI7ULUQjhMHUQ6Bsuc/s1600/IMG_20170923_204947072.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgby1nFD7T7YHKbGQPTuOFeP7ivbBC_DoZZANVm7kNot9mZ0VxGQ9cTqUeeFnZHSnS1RTIHmPYZ2sp_i9ML8M0nJ-yPDJIJPUB5Cwotez2XWCBMVy26Jzn7YhRbNxI7ULUQjhMHUQ6Bsuc/s320/IMG_20170923_204947072.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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The other thing we talked about is learning my signals better. I haven't talked about it a whole lot to anyone, but I am taking a prescription med to help me. It is called Contrave. It is two different drugs combined into one. They were originally meant to help with addiction (smoking/drugs and alcoholism respectively). How they act is by one dulling the cravings and hunger signals, and the other making my satisfied and full signal louder. I still control what I put in my mouth, but it helps me battle the cravings for chocolate or just the urge to eat for no reason. Sadly insurance doesn't cover it, and I could rant on that for a while. However, for me it's working. It has helped with my cravings. It does help me recognize when I'm full. It's been a fantastic tool to help me learn my body again. When I do get hungry, I'm truly hungry. Well, most of the time. The cravings aren't gone completely.<br />
<br />
I surprised Dr. Hendrick when I told him my reason for letting myself get to true hunger (belly growling LOUDLY). I need to know what true hunger actually feels like. I need to know it's ok to be hungry, and it's a natural signal. I know he is concerned with keeping me on track and not letting it start a binge. I respect that. However, he agreed with my reasoning and somewhat agrees. I also told him I want to go off the Contrave at some point soon, as an experiment. I need to see if I can start learning the signals my body naturally has. I don't want to be on the med forever. He agreed and reiterated I can go on and off the meds at any time. It's my journey and he is there to help me however. Dr. Hendrick also said what I have been experimenting with mindful eating, and he was impressed with what I have been doing on my own. The hospital here does some mindful eating classes, but I will miss a good portion of this session. I did get some links and book recommendations from the good doctor though.<br />
<br />
When I mentioned this to Marshall, he had a surprising take on it. Marshall said he doesn't want to see me derail over the holidays. There are so many temptations around, and it's a stressful time at work. He doesn't want me to undo the hard work I have done. His opinion is to try after the first of the year. After much discussion, I agree with him. I will wait to try going off the meds until after the first of the year. When I first discussed it with Dr. Hendrick I hadn't even considered the upcoming holidays.<br />
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I will say the last couple of weeks, I've been glad to be on the Contrave though. We're coming up on a hard time of year for me. October is when my best friend growing up died. It's always rough on me. On Saturday I fly to Ireland with my best friend from college for a 10 day trip. Part of the trip is to finally say goodbye to her and hopefully get some closure. Grief is a funny thing, and I thought I was doing pretty good and pretty healed. I lied to myself. Big time. I've been on the verge of tears for weeks now. I've also been wanting nothing more than to binge. To eat like I used to. Because eating the point of over full, almost sickly full, numbs you. For a little bit. It's the same as drinking to forget in some ways. It's to numb you. I've given in some days, and others I haven't. I have recognized it for what is though, and it's been a surprisingly good thing.<br />
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Sometimes I give in and get a treat at lunch. Other times I can bargain with myself and wait until I get home to go to the sweets shop a block over and get something actually worth spending the calories on. Sometimes I eat peanut butter out of the jar stashed in my desk at work. But no matter what I have eaten to fulfill the emotional rawness right now, I've been trying so hard to be forgiving and gentle with myself. I've been trying to treat myself like I would anyone I love. It's helped a lot. It hasn't been easy, not by any means. Allowing myself to say that I want to emotionally eat because I am grieving and it's ok to eat a little is ok. As a result it hasn't resulted in any out right binges.<br />
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With that, I'm going to go work on more packing.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-78804751783927759792017-08-18T23:50:00.002-06:002017-08-18T23:50:46.170-06:00Belated DCC recap and updatesI have been meaning to write this post for a while now. For over a month to be honest. I just got busy with life and being a bit lazy.<br />
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TL/DR: Comic Con was awesome. I rocked my cosplay with confidence. I am under 300 pounds and down about 27 pounds. I am awesome and life is good.<br />
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Denver Comic Con was great. We had a ton of fun. I was able to walk over 15,000 steps on Friday with only a couple of rest breaks, which made me very happy. Even better my feet weren't super swollen or sore! I don't know how many steps I got in on Saturday as my fitbit didn't work with my costume!<br /><br />My costume was a success. The skirt was light and airy. I didn't really overheat too badly. Although the vendor area is hot no matter what because of the people. I bought a cheap fan to use the rest of the day. Best $5 spent! First thing Saturday morning was a photo shoot for anyone dressed as characters from Sailor Moon. I happened to run into a gal who was doing a Steampunk Sailor Moon! We nerded out over each other's costumes and had fun posing together. Her friend Amber kindly took pictures for me. My favorite is us showing off our butt bows.<br />
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Some other highlights:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Running into friends and coworkers who I hoped to see, but didn't think I would given the crowds.</li>
<li>Having a woman come running up to me dressed as one of the Dark Moon ladies (bad guys in one of the seasons of Sailor Moon) chattering at me excitedly. She had heard there was a badass Steampuk Sailor Jupiter around and she had to find me and get a picture. </li>
<li>Seeing some of the folks from the Cheyenne Umbrella Corp again in Denver</li>
<li>Having a professional photographer stop both Marshall and I to take our picture</li>
<li>Seeing Marshall get a fair amount of attention for his costume too</li>
</ul>
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The BIGGEST highlight of all though. A couple friends of ours run the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SciFiSpeedDating/" target="_blank">Sci-Fi Speed Dating</a>, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SerafinaCosplay/" target="_blank">Serafina </a>wanted me to stop by and get a picture with me before the end of the day. I was talking with her and another friend for a bit, when another friend of hers came up and wanted to take my picture. She thanked me and said she was sending it to her aunt. Her Aunt voices Sailor Neptune! It made the con for me. I was seriously walking on cloud 9 the rest of the afternoon. Hell I still am, who am I kidding?<br /></div>
<div>
We went to some great cosplay panels and got some fantastic ideas for costumes next year. There were so many great costumes. I was surprised at how many Drag Queens were at DCC. Some of them had really elaborate outfits, even for Drag Queens. There was one I saw dressed entirely in white with white fairy wings, and their makeup was incredible. It occurred to me later I should have gone up to her and asked for makeup tips. I really need to wear more makeup and practice with it.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAhU8cVYH_bfBS9kQFML2OiRojrtt00pmTpYRGVlFI5vNHVR8nWVVsoi2sPvpzXpV2uZmoeN0gjjN8ByOQxIxobjHtP7yccpARLZu_zqd5C1w3odgd2eszfqeU2rwoGXFPgs_B6LLYJk/s1600/SAM_0454.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRAhU8cVYH_bfBS9kQFML2OiRojrtt00pmTpYRGVlFI5vNHVR8nWVVsoi2sPvpzXpV2uZmoeN0gjjN8ByOQxIxobjHtP7yccpARLZu_zqd5C1w3odgd2eszfqeU2rwoGXFPgs_B6LLYJk/s400/SAM_0454.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fantastic Saruman cosplay</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnxhj-nN5F3wUbfBaokZlv_JPMvJOwaP25ZHgo_F9gBAXEdeCvDeUAQMwteXA5mNArveUI0dU6ZcUCwNEH5UaJlWBsOflXT1quN7tU2Pi9rl4ZWrZSI3EUmUPxqSMXH93FTptVdN9hDC0/s1600/SAM_0455.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnxhj-nN5F3wUbfBaokZlv_JPMvJOwaP25ZHgo_F9gBAXEdeCvDeUAQMwteXA5mNArveUI0dU6ZcUCwNEH5UaJlWBsOflXT1quN7tU2Pi9rl4ZWrZSI3EUmUPxqSMXH93FTptVdN9hDC0/s400/SAM_0455.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking for trouble</td></tr>
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<div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX9xbPXqeQmyfaaLzZJ1_mL9vhq-m8bpvIspl0KdoEBHc_sJfH9Twm3RQFDgdfVFluNnUHzToGM9nxl5fuoRBVqhB5ND3k255Fvxb96EUAbOJJMeXsYbMfRjMwkDcsxd6ycagc9IgBd7o/s1600/steampunk+jupiter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="747" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX9xbPXqeQmyfaaLzZJ1_mL9vhq-m8bpvIspl0KdoEBHc_sJfH9Twm3RQFDgdfVFluNnUHzToGM9nxl5fuoRBVqhB5ND3k255Fvxb96EUAbOJJMeXsYbMfRjMwkDcsxd6ycagc9IgBd7o/s640/steampunk+jupiter.jpg" width="497" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The couple that cosplays together, stays together</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV4gfoZY18gpA_wylZCPs5lzQqQT1ZjOuQT9GUAdq1HVf6JcKj0Co-NBMcANlm4xGBhLVcc3Z0YJ-qGu9bLGUCvSRmO1Qi6JhL8uvcM5ZifxyWZ8uuF0lLqgvKHjiJBFA012cznIo2S3w/s1600/SAM_0458.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV4gfoZY18gpA_wylZCPs5lzQqQT1ZjOuQT9GUAdq1HVf6JcKj0Co-NBMcANlm4xGBhLVcc3Z0YJ-qGu9bLGUCvSRmO1Qi6JhL8uvcM5ZifxyWZ8uuF0lLqgvKHjiJBFA012cznIo2S3w/s400/SAM_0458.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Steampunk Sailor Scouts!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipVrlyO483dcaU8bAvhOQqbv_s1ZuWisxvNkaE8FXKf0uKbBNkGBUVXsYAf-VeXzzacGoAOCfCb8FIOkYEtNUx7nSLmA0g1s8ymoydgWutyb6s5xB9YdFY73IcqJj1N1x2x8ggFkkJpXQ/s1600/20170701_100750%25280%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipVrlyO483dcaU8bAvhOQqbv_s1ZuWisxvNkaE8FXKf0uKbBNkGBUVXsYAf-VeXzzacGoAOCfCb8FIOkYEtNUx7nSLmA0g1s8ymoydgWutyb6s5xB9YdFY73IcqJj1N1x2x8ggFkkJpXQ/s640/20170701_100750%25280%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Showing off the butt bows </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNSIdZcV0UtceQp1jyKDzMBIgzTSRKXIe6BAl5r3uYjPlg6xZ4L01VSEI3wZT0YkUk-K8t0OfwB5acuezcLQomO75LM4ZhUXOzOhPwj7UpTcV5-jd6ENt4zX4Zpsv2uV3fMtc2xrq1ZyI/s640/20170701_100718.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="360" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Steampunked up!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNSIdZcV0UtceQp1jyKDzMBIgzTSRKXIe6BAl5r3uYjPlg6xZ4L01VSEI3wZT0YkUk-K8t0OfwB5acuezcLQomO75LM4ZhUXOzOhPwj7UpTcV5-jd6ENt4zX4Zpsv2uV3fMtc2xrq1ZyI/s1600/20170701_100718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNSIdZcV0UtceQp1jyKDzMBIgzTSRKXIe6BAl5r3uYjPlg6xZ4L01VSEI3wZT0YkUk-K8t0OfwB5acuezcLQomO75LM4ZhUXOzOhPwj7UpTcV5-jd6ENt4zX4Zpsv2uV3fMtc2xrq1ZyI/s1600/20170701_100718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOeRgUBLVlL0OAzSOmoPWhIU9s4nNFoHA1hT7SkarAYCIWP5pwsBiUCZvhBehWCVkBVUoU9WdLwObmaEVrJi_MhTEQiBXJCLrq2fYSvEp3JAJ98RT1ePce0bUTjGLQv9QXb6On1hHlBkY/s1600/SAM_0467.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOeRgUBLVlL0OAzSOmoPWhIU9s4nNFoHA1hT7SkarAYCIWP5pwsBiUCZvhBehWCVkBVUoU9WdLwObmaEVrJi_MhTEQiBXJCLrq2fYSvEp3JAJ98RT1ePce0bUTjGLQv9QXb6On1hHlBkY/s320/SAM_0467.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marshall wanted me to do some poses. I'm *attempting* to do Jupiter's attack. I feel I look ridiculous and have resting bitch face.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMUsIlhpP2_yt217BzkoeAP41KB7GvqZyfjm9wneGuOmZQhidSBN7WDU0tS8P115mEGHw7jcmf8J5l3Y2mPI3N2w3q0YjRON4wGg0lqiy0NQhAAGkXMsc5y4Vbm6ynT4e2v3XG_lsqDVA/s1600/IMG_20170701_145202023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMUsIlhpP2_yt217BzkoeAP41KB7GvqZyfjm9wneGuOmZQhidSBN7WDU0tS8P115mEGHw7jcmf8J5l3Y2mPI3N2w3q0YjRON4wGg0lqiy0NQhAAGkXMsc5y4Vbm6ynT4e2v3XG_lsqDVA/s320/IMG_20170701_145202023.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's all in the Eye of the Beholder</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXYbBF4GqXghfTbztPpkrBZdbFAXs1QFG_2FYNlVMYKxAQKqO-PXuw9GWoWoFmjxLU7pUzFfWcLcXaDLSLBrNRsOUmT3Vxu45eJ24rj1OCw7pCpIGhk27gPXNfmXjRIvjQrBQmyoF4x3c/s1600/IMG_20170701_101349696.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXYbBF4GqXghfTbztPpkrBZdbFAXs1QFG_2FYNlVMYKxAQKqO-PXuw9GWoWoFmjxLU7pUzFfWcLcXaDLSLBrNRsOUmT3Vxu45eJ24rj1OCw7pCpIGhk27gPXNfmXjRIvjQrBQmyoF4x3c/s320/IMG_20170701_101349696.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A superb Mary Poppins Cosplay!</td></tr>
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Before going to down to DCC I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Hendrick (my obesity doctor). I was really worried about staying on plan during the weekend. I told him the plans I had. We were going out for a belated birthday dinner for me. I was taking snacks with me so I wouldn't be tempted by food at the convention center. I was also taking a water bottle with me (a good idea no matter what!). He told me to stop and said to go and have fun. It was more important that I enjoy the weekend and make memories than worry constantly about food. It wouldn't help me any. I would be focused on where I could eat than being in the moment. It meant more than words can say that he said that. And you know what? It worked. It took an incredible load off of my shoulders.</div>
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I had some major food related victories over the entire weekend. We went to the Rein Haus in LoDo for dinner. It was 4 blocks from the hotel and we had a pleasant walk down there. It is a German restaurant that serves incredible homemade sausages. In fact the only thing they don't make in-house are the french fries. They even make their sauerkraut in house. I am normally not a big fan of kraut, but this stuff was amazing. The food was delicious. Marshall and I shared a sampler platter of their sausages. I don't remember what all was on there now, but there were 2 types of duck sausage. There was also a habanero sausage that was surprisingly good. Their house made brats were excellent. In the past I would have eaten as much as I could of everything. This time I tried a bit of each and went back for a bite or two of my favorites. Then I stopped. I set down my fork and was done. I wasn't full. I was just satisfied. It was an incredible moment.</div>
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Saturday after we had staggered back to our room and ordered dinner, Marshall was in the mood for something sweet. He was just going to go down to the lobby and buy a couple candy bars for us. I told him if I was going to go off my eating plan this weekend, I wanted to indulge. I wanted something awesome. Not just a snickers. So we walked down to the 16th Street Mall. </div>
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When I was last at the 16th Street Mall, it was nice. It was high class with high end shops and restaurants and tres chic. Now it seems run down, kinda creepy, and full of low end stores. Ross, Pay Less, and the like. It was disappointing to say the least. We ended up back at our hotel and going into the restaurant. We each had a drink and split some chocolate filled beignets topped with powdered sugar and a chocolate orange sauce. They were 3 mini beignets, and one would barely fill my palm. I ate one and a bit of a second. Then I stopped! I had my decadent sweet treat and stopped. It was an amazing weekend for me. It may be silly, but these are huge things for a person who has consistently overeaten most of her life. </div>
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The morning after we got home I stepped on the scale simply because I was curious, but I wasn't dreading it. I knew I had enjoyed the weekend thoroughly and felt no guilt at all about the foods I had enjoyed. </div>
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I lost 2.2 pounds! </div>
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Yes, a lot of that was due to a lot of walking. But I think focusing on the weekend, and not the food played a huge part in it. By giving myself permission to indulge and enjoy whatever I wanted took away the power food has over me. It was pretty incredible to me.</div>
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Since DCC I have had another follow up with Dr. Hendrick. I am down 19 pounds since starting with him and about 27 pounds from my highest weight. Also, a few weeks ago I weighed in under 300 pounds!!! I was so shocked on the day it happened. I was not expecting it at all. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiViY-VYWC8GL_p0o8vqKFpb2YIVTgm6U6B0sZETgvZiykpJRM0cks1D2gXrecBW299EGK7Tw2iznuEMFLG9o7QtSK_Ax148UkbeL3hQcPBjb6_Gmokyg-lqFqcmxwKlbX5DMKx0dZgnWA/s1600/IMG_20170731_134526883.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1037" data-original-width="1600" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiViY-VYWC8GL_p0o8vqKFpb2YIVTgm6U6B0sZETgvZiykpJRM0cks1D2gXrecBW299EGK7Tw2iznuEMFLG9o7QtSK_Ax148UkbeL3hQcPBjb6_Gmokyg-lqFqcmxwKlbX5DMKx0dZgnWA/s320/IMG_20170731_134526883.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The proof!</td></tr>
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I haven't said anything on here, or on my facebook page because I haven't wanted to jinx it. In fact I have only told a handful of people. I am finally starting to feel a tender delicate bit of hope blossoming that I just might be successful this time. The changes are good, but scary too. </div>
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I am feeling better. My skin is clearer. My hair is shinier and growing in thicker again. I am stronger and have more stamina. There's a lot happening with me. And while I haven't gotten under 297 yet, I know I will. I stopped strength training for a couple weeks and have started hitting it hard again. I always retain a bit of water for a few weeks and then I'll drop.You can see it in my weight report on MyFitnessPal.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga_WWy3CUlOwEJLmzeADy8m9_0bQi8TqwDQJMwdSxXfvh3g0c9V2-pLvnChSypi2QDtfyoQXgvMd_vTsQ5cE5bDmNgVnicDbKUF5Olasg0LeSOd3257cXC2gzohhqkRsHna0tT86z1CNw/s1600/FB_IMG_1499714360899.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga_WWy3CUlOwEJLmzeADy8m9_0bQi8TqwDQJMwdSxXfvh3g0c9V2-pLvnChSypi2QDtfyoQXgvMd_vTsQ5cE5bDmNgVnicDbKUF5Olasg0LeSOd3257cXC2gzohhqkRsHna0tT86z1CNw/s320/FB_IMG_1499714360899.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">September 2016</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4kHb6TD81cbuhF2HOqvyW3rnlCPQiRParo81UC6lYpysbL4tcrJBX6tiBEkJZowuxSi5e_eJCZVPKIk39cEOgu-aPtgj7nVML02fA3hl9ip_tMsm8M1H06DVdD9tLFjJnyjqH1jdid0/s1600/FB_IMG_1499714371773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR4kHb6TD81cbuhF2HOqvyW3rnlCPQiRParo81UC6lYpysbL4tcrJBX6tiBEkJZowuxSi5e_eJCZVPKIk39cEOgu-aPtgj7nVML02fA3hl9ip_tMsm8M1H06DVdD9tLFjJnyjqH1jdid0/s320/FB_IMG_1499714371773.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">January 30, 2017</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3QTzgEf4wvDTFqvj5JjNOR43tN-w0mMnNfWTmFzjY3ASp_UptIC5kKRxZRKtzKszMfwo8-pxSYRR1u-KXuqO-43NqU3USx0q01Oq1KEwGfKKyqc6Sp5hAXBLaZm-gBVzUxR7pWrdlI1Q/s1600/FB_IMG_1499714380895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="720" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3QTzgEf4wvDTFqvj5JjNOR43tN-w0mMnNfWTmFzjY3ASp_UptIC5kKRxZRKtzKszMfwo8-pxSYRR1u-KXuqO-43NqU3USx0q01Oq1KEwGfKKyqc6Sp5hAXBLaZm-gBVzUxR7pWrdlI1Q/s320/FB_IMG_1499714380895.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">July 2017</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpHTd-46_cj8bUVI7zY0XNyK8_ufQyYEz9tfg7mQQjhzvogQP3D_DSAT0BWUBiXP7i5Q0oHRafjFfn0ONoWvV3-dV_4r1u4iJmuj6n-91w89hK6okda1YmlEo6MgXOrgHrqZL8pCqxWZU/s1600/20170817_223303-COLLAGE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpHTd-46_cj8bUVI7zY0XNyK8_ufQyYEz9tfg7mQQjhzvogQP3D_DSAT0BWUBiXP7i5Q0oHRafjFfn0ONoWvV3-dV_4r1u4iJmuj6n-91w89hK6okda1YmlEo6MgXOrgHrqZL8pCqxWZU/s320/20170817_223303-COLLAGE.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 8, 2017</td></tr>
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<br />Sorry for the super long update. I hope you guys enjoyed the pictures of everything.</div>
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-54028017584765236032017-06-04T22:09:00.000-06:002017-06-04T22:12:39.560-06:00Colorado 2017 State Recognition DaysIt has been a very busy and long weekend. I had Friday off of work to head to Colorado Springs with my TOPS group for State Recognition Days. I had to pick up one of the ladies and we were on the road shortly after 7am. Thankfully I was able to avoid the worst of morning rush-hour traffic by taking E-470 instead of going through Denver. It is not secret that I absolutely hate driving in Denver. Anyways, we made it down there and let the festivities begin.<br />
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SRD is a time to celebrate. We celebrate how much the state lost as whole. We give awards to the division winners. For those unfamiliar with TOPS you are placed in a division based on your weight. There are also divisions for teens and those who have had weight loss surgery. Those who have lost the most weight each year are recognized as is the runner up. Then there is the graduation for those at goal and now Keeping Off Pounds Sensibly (KOPS) and the crowning of royalty. The state King and Queen are TOPS who have met their goal and are now KOPS and lost the most of anyone in the state to goal that year.<br />
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Here are this year's highlights:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Two members of my chapter graduating to KOPS</li>
<li>One of our new KOPS was the state Queen! We are so proud of her! She lost 83 pounds!</li>
<li>Another member of our group was a state division winner with a 31 pound loss! We are very proud of her too.</li>
<li>The before and after parade where people hold up their old too big clothes then show their current size. One gentleman has gone from a 7X to an XL! He has lost about 295 pounds so far and was a division winner this year too.</li>
<li>Speeches from Barbara Cady, the President of TOPS. She is a funny and dynamic speaker to catches your attention and holds it firmly. You can't help but laugh hard at her stories, nod thoughtfully, loudly yell back when needed, and scramble to take notes.</li>
<li>Speeches from KOPS and others about their weight loss journeys</li>
<li>Workshops on engaging members of the chapter and keeping the chapter active.</li>
<li>In 2016 the State of Colorado lost <b><u>6411.75 POUNDS</u></b>!</li>
<li>The men's division winners lost a total of 302.85 pounds in 2016.</li>
<li>The women's division winners lost a total of 486.00 pounds in 2016.</li>
<li>The newest KOPS had just reached goal 2 weeks before SRD</li>
<li>The longest KOPS has been maintaining her weight for 46 consecutive years.</li>
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The very last thing before SRD ends is the graduation of the new KOPS, honoring of the current KOPS, and the Circle of Lights. After every current KOPS is recognized for the time they have been a KOPS the lights in the ballroom are turned off and they light little flashlights (they used to do candles) and some inspirational music is played. It is a moment to recognize the hard work it takes to maintain a weight loss and to inspire those working to get to goal. When the lights are brought back up each KOPS is to present a yellow rose to a TOPS. The rose represents the KOPS is a mentor, a friend, and someone who believes in the TOPS member when they don't believe in themselves. Carolyn, the leader of my chapter and newly graduated KOPS gave me her rose. I hope to be worthy of it.<br />
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It is amazing how TOPS recognizes those who have maintained their weight loss and the support they provide. It isn't a case of "you made goal and now you're done." From anything I have seen, maintaining is much harder than losing. But it is so worth it.<br />
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There are a lot of things about TOPS that are very outdated to me given the nature of the organization. Some things could be modernized to really help bring in more younger people. This is most clear when we get together for SRD. For all of that though, it's a fantastic group of people and a very inspiring weekend. I am so happy to be a part of the chapter I am in now.<br />
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Below are a few pictures of the weekend. Some pictures are mine, some were taken by other members of my chapter.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRvEZRDOMXYCg8LBhX3Wo0-KhPN9_kNJIpIWPs1DCEcnZ60I01O3XhA-a52FIxDummfTZ1mVoj4RbS1sDkilsQenx-MhRqiS1VyRkkx3a7p4HJXedsFJAWI4qnBI5Qu9-s2DXOJwP9HfE/s1600/IMG_20170604_214756280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRvEZRDOMXYCg8LBhX3Wo0-KhPN9_kNJIpIWPs1DCEcnZ60I01O3XhA-a52FIxDummfTZ1mVoj4RbS1sDkilsQenx-MhRqiS1VyRkkx3a7p4HJXedsFJAWI4qnBI5Qu9-s2DXOJwP9HfE/s400/IMG_20170604_214756280.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My yellow rose. Thank you Carolyn! I won't let you down!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvNJcLl197nCk6s_w1nuNJa4PHelaJFYV4EKepiH2xoYVVXQ8nI09bfXHDNXMIJQ3eZJUIza8LOP1T0BvnSs6PmSz9cq0MijQDDevfK9ImN19Ca_970IGKbrV49w0goSSjN6Hz8dSvMgs/s1600/IMG_20170603_133612709.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvNJcLl197nCk6s_w1nuNJa4PHelaJFYV4EKepiH2xoYVVXQ8nI09bfXHDNXMIJQ3eZJUIza8LOP1T0BvnSs6PmSz9cq0MijQDDevfK9ImN19Ca_970IGKbrV49w0goSSjN6Hz8dSvMgs/s400/IMG_20170603_133612709.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our new KOPS and Queen with our area captain who is also in our chapter. Three amazing ladies.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNoB2_PCgOv_XDn9rXHYvKfGS3owiOFaee64ni9xd3tFH67mqHjYdMO4spwOpUoZYv6m9AYI5DCEIZ43HVodTXdHO9M4kO-TFt6CGX3A9EEc_uBdQPJuROCp2RTdcY0mAjcQJm_VwbbDU/s1600/IMG_20170603_115917742_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNoB2_PCgOv_XDn9rXHYvKfGS3owiOFaee64ni9xd3tFH67mqHjYdMO4spwOpUoZYv6m9AYI5DCEIZ43HVodTXdHO9M4kO-TFt6CGX3A9EEc_uBdQPJuROCp2RTdcY0mAjcQJm_VwbbDU/s400/IMG_20170603_115917742_HDR.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Colorado Queen runner up, King, and Queen</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpQ77aJ2JyQ4xxC4NVfbCHoANKkQ27hvVYjpwG1T8fLQpvTsARqnDHXTvIrCJvvYvqa5v4CVOMTIQfjYIwa5J-DGVRhbPe1RfgnksbnXv2zwtVvsUMSAW4JN8PNJCeb8_hrjRM13X62AU/s1600/IMG_20170603_104941262_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpQ77aJ2JyQ4xxC4NVfbCHoANKkQ27hvVYjpwG1T8fLQpvTsARqnDHXTvIrCJvvYvqa5v4CVOMTIQfjYIwa5J-DGVRhbPe1RfgnksbnXv2zwtVvsUMSAW4JN8PNJCeb8_hrjRM13X62AU/s400/IMG_20170603_104941262_HDR.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Past state royalty</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9RXT89KaLtIuNDXNxpCRUN8TixtD23wtYeOY-8UbjIQ0qm0eZnYA1jn_wrdzP28l5gU9HJcnycSQktT37T9OS7kuAowMXkfTiauWQrPhoQ_gBvdLF8TtqiZl9sidIGOZgZZjZV1mZCA/s1600/crowning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9RXT89KaLtIuNDXNxpCRUN8TixtD23wtYeOY-8UbjIQ0qm0eZnYA1jn_wrdzP28l5gU9HJcnycSQktT37T9OS7kuAowMXkfTiauWQrPhoQ_gBvdLF8TtqiZl9sidIGOZgZZjZV1mZCA/s400/crowning.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Carol being crowned by former State King John. A very sweet moment as John is in my chapter too.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijLe79-nhm8hWp7opWE6kkzUOGX6g7YqNEQGRQmJuj115yFOQxES_VhGuoVlD0EmACkR5EGCnuQkXfz-btLewG2ZFVrI2Ltod0I7tc39kJfuyvpm2Inpe9Kn1Q3KIgMb1Ebu-x2ql7xQU/s1600/receiving+award.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijLe79-nhm8hWp7opWE6kkzUOGX6g7YqNEQGRQmJuj115yFOQxES_VhGuoVlD0EmACkR5EGCnuQkXfz-btLewG2ZFVrI2Ltod0I7tc39kJfuyvpm2Inpe9Kn1Q3KIgMb1Ebu-x2ql7xQU/s400/receiving+award.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kama receiving her award from Barb Cady</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMGMT5aVwLfwpZ_OwKtzE8FLDlvP9Ubk1Hfd_R5fSU7yPKVKJBzz5HAyAK4eVxESV5db9-hewT2ezmiZCb0qU2h8UtIAm8UApr53ljPL7PM6dDWNHo6Nntp9IhPy2X2e48hV_TcjmAf6M/s1600/kama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="747" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMGMT5aVwLfwpZ_OwKtzE8FLDlvP9Ubk1Hfd_R5fSU7yPKVKJBzz5HAyAK4eVxESV5db9-hewT2ezmiZCb0qU2h8UtIAm8UApr53ljPL7PM6dDWNHo6Nntp9IhPy2X2e48hV_TcjmAf6M/s400/kama.jpg" width="311" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kama as her story is being read.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRmGiC4ihVCTfSkGzQTB6KRCcUZYgMsqSXU3Esbql9VSl05LegcHTkXE4aioS5ZjhCJwPjERk4cguFkjFo4Qj8yC1f-ut-w2NkrEmZ2z0MEzSWgVJFiwb-ucELOgws1zvUorGs4z0vB0o/s1600/kops+graduation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="731" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRmGiC4ihVCTfSkGzQTB6KRCcUZYgMsqSXU3Esbql9VSl05LegcHTkXE4aioS5ZjhCJwPjERk4cguFkjFo4Qj8yC1f-ut-w2NkrEmZ2z0MEzSWgVJFiwb-ucELOgws1zvUorGs4z0vB0o/s400/kops+graduation.jpg" width="303" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">KOPS graduation</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTnNDbH45sunZX1NN-sdBVTijXJJuybhlBmdhHT6EL08_0rz3_gQWxQlkiDEbC158wuhmUe65EFHfGx8Ud2_jwh7ToV1u8JPXM4KY5G7uEUk8KbdQHtMw5ymRc8IVZk7_NFYvRlH5Ej9Q/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTnNDbH45sunZX1NN-sdBVTijXJJuybhlBmdhHT6EL08_0rz3_gQWxQlkiDEbC158wuhmUe65EFHfGx8Ud2_jwh7ToV1u8JPXM4KY5G7uEUk8KbdQHtMw5ymRc8IVZk7_NFYvRlH5Ej9Q/s400/image.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Those in our chapter who went with Barb Cady and Regional Director.</td></tr>
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And a quick update about me. I am down 10 pounds so far with the new doctor I am working with. I am down 16 pounds from my TOPS starting weight, and 23 pounds from the highest weight I have seen on the scale. My clothes are fitting a lot better, and I spent all day Friday pulling my jeans up. I am feeling better and sleeping better. It is a challenge some days. I was good almost all weekend being out of town, which was hard in more ways than one. I really wanted a crepe with my breakfast-for-dinner Friday night, but I stayed with my omelette, bacon, cottage cheese and fruit cup.</div>
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I had a big non-scale victory today. Our elevator was down when we went to breakfast. When we came home I didn't have to stop while climbing 4 flights of stairs. I was winded when we got up, but I didn't need to use my inhaler or feel like I was dying. I ended up doing the stairs again when I let a friend in for our gaming session this afternoon.</div>
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I'm off to meditate and bed. Thanks for reading!</div>
<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-70180042223677947262017-05-09T20:16:00.000-06:002017-05-09T20:18:33.105-06:00What's up Doc?About a month ago I had a follow up appointment with my pulmonologist to see how my sleep apnea is doing. Thankfully it's doing really well and he is really pleased with my progress. Because it is so mild the benefits and changes are subtle. I am sleeping deeper, I'm not tossing and turning, and I am having more vivid dreams. The dreams are really screwy sometimes, and I wake up scratching my head as a result. Holy cow they are vivid.<br />
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In the conversation with him I mentioned that my weight hasn't really been going down and I am getting frustrated. I have cut my calories down, kept exercising and changed some of what I am eating. I am stuck in the same 5 pound range. He asked if I had heard of the bariatric specialist in town. They have worked with him quite a bit and he has a good success rate. He focuses on lifestyle changes, and he does not do surgery. The one thing he said that really grabbed my attention: "Dr. Hendrick is an actual MD. They bill to your insurance. It's not fad diets and woo woo bullshit."<br />
<br />
So I made an appointment.<br />
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My first appointment was about 2 1/2 weeks ago. The first appointment is getting all of the baseline stuff done. Height, weight, percent body fat, percent muscle, and measurements. They use a body fat scale that has handles on it to get a more accurate picture of percent body fat. The ones for your bathroom that you stand on only send an electrical impulse up to the hips. The one with the handles actually goes up to the neck. They also do a DEXA (Dual Energy X-Ray) scan. This is normally used for detecting bone loss and osteoporosis. However, with the right software it can be used to determine bone mass and lean muscle mass. I also had to get a full blood panel to see where I am at right now.<br />
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I found out I have 140 pounds lean muscle mass. On the print out from the fancy scale they have what my Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is and how much I should aim to loose. It didn't put me automatically in the healthy BMI range. The weight it said I should lose would put me at about 180 pounds. They take into account lean muscle mass and don't want me to lose muscle to get to a healthy weight.<br />
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**MIND BLOWN** Never had a doctor think like that.<br />
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After I read that, the nurse crossed out the BMR and weight loss goal. Cue a very confused face from me and I was thinking they wanted me to go lower. Nope. They aren't setting a weight loss goal for me yet, if at all. There are more important things to work on at the moment than just the weight. It also depends on where I am happy, where my body is happy, and what is maintainable.<br />
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**MIND BLOWN AGAIN**<br />
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Wait...it might be ok if I only lose to 210 pounds? Yes. Yes it is. Because it is still healthier than where I am at right now. But I was told to not worry about that for now. I was also asked to track my food, but not to worry too much about calories right now. I'm not counting calories right now. Wait, what?!?<br />
<br />
This is different from anything I have done before. Very different.<br />
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He looks at treating obesity as the complex disease that it is. He sees 4 facets to treating obesity. Nutritional, Physical, Metabolic, and Emotional. Per our conversation today:<br />
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"Weight loss won't make you happy. You have to be happy with your life and what you are doing, weight loss is a by product of that."<br />
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I also got my blood results back today. Everything is fine except my Vitamin D and my A1C (the marker for diabetes). The Vitamin D is easy enough to fix. However, I am officially pre-diabetic. My A1C is at 5.7% and the top end of "normal" is 5.6%. So I am just barely pre-diabetic, but we can reverse this. Given family history and my best friend's death, diabetes scares the shit out of me. Things just got real. Really real.<br />
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Dr. Hendrick is not above using fear as a motivator he said. It can be a great tool when used appropriately. I believe him. He wasn't mean about it, but he was honest.<br />
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We talked a lot about eating and emotions today, and I learned a lot. I guess I shouldn't say that. I saw a new way of looking at things.<br />
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- We eat to meet different needs. Sadness, stress, anger, joy, health, fuel, and more. No one need is better than the other emotionally. They are what they are. I just need to sit back and look at my meal and ask why am I eating. Is what I am eating now fulfill my health needs or is it fulfilling an emotional need?<br />
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- The reason we emotionally eat certain foods is to fulfill and emotional need we aren't meeting otherwise. So when we take out a food that is "bad" we have to replace that food with something that fulfills the emotional need in it's absence. Meditation, yoga, walking, doing hobbies. Anything at all that makes you happy and fulfills your emotional needs.<br />
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- If I am fighting a certain change or emotion I need to ask myself why and dive deeper into the why it is bothering me and how to handle it.<br />
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He is focusing much more on the mental aspects than anything else right now with me. I feel drained and overwhelmed.<br />
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I am to start working on changing the following things:<br />
<br />
- 3 meals. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No snacks and no skipping meals.<br />
- Track food, but don't worry about calories for now. I'm to eat and feel satisfied.<br />
- No sweets or grains (breads, pasta, oatmeal, quinoa, potatoes of any kind, and corn to name a few). Since we are trying to reverse pre-diabetes this is key.<br />
- try for a fruit and veggie at every meal.<br />
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He is pleased with how much I am working out and to up my workouts if I can without injuring myself.<br />
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I am not expected to be perfect. They want me to make baby steps. As long as I am making progress they will be happy. If I have any problems or frustrations I am to call them. They are there to help me.<br />
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Overall, I like the doctor as his staff. They are friendly and supportive. He lays no blame and doesn't shame. He genuinely wants to help.<br />
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Right now I am just nervous, scared, hopeful, and trying to be optimistic.<br />
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Ok, that's enough for tonight. I am going to post about the costume for Steampunk Sailor Jupiter tomorrow night.<br />
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<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-10479091122633012332017-03-21T21:27:00.000-06:002017-03-21T21:27:25.390-06:00Start of 2017 Denver CosplayI have gotten a few questions about why I changed the name of my blog from "The Key Geek" to "CosPlaying With My Food." Well, it was for a couple reasons. The Key Geek was the best I could come up with at the time, literally. Also, I was never really happy with it, but I could never figure out a title that fit me. I think this one will. I enjoy sewing and being creative. I am loving getting into Cosplay. I get to let out the kid that didn't get to dress up enough (or nerdy enough) for her tastes.<br />
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It is also pushing me to let me be myself, free of judgement. Oh not from the world. This is a blog. Someone, somewhere out there is going to point and laugh at a 30-something overweight woman wanting to dress up. You know what, good for them. And remind me I said that whenever snide comments come in, because it will happen. Stupid trolls. I need to be free of judging myself.<br />
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As I have said before I have lost myself somewhere along the way, and this is an effort to show myself some love and care and fun again. I need to love myself as I am right now and right in this moment. And maybe, just maybe, with loving myself a little bit more I can get healthier along the way and to a healthier weight.<br />
<br />So to start this I need a cosplay. I have wanted to do this for YEARS. In college I didn't know there was such a thing as cosplay beyond what kids do in Japan. And then starting to find other cosplayers the last 8 years or so of all shapes and sizes really opened my eyes. Between my husband and a dear friend/roommate from college I got the courage to start designing this cosplay.<br />
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This breaks some boundaries for me. I don't like being embarrassed or being seen as silly. I really don't like being the center of attention. I have a hard time accepting that the things I like aren't always the most mainstream and that's ok. So this is a first step in truly embracing my awesome nerdy self and letting my hair down.<br />
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Enough with the philosophy! Cosplay!<br />
<br />For your viewing pleasure, I present: Steampunk Sailor Jupiter!!!<br /><br /><u><b>Inspiration:</b></u><br />
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I got a lot of inspiration from fanart and other cosplays on deviant art. It's been an interesting design process to make the character my own, but still recognizeable.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9d/8b/e0/9d8be016270772f806864770996d1205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9d/8b/e0/9d8be016270772f806864770996d1205.jpg" width="207" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love the style of tiara and skirts for this</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<a href="http://img04.deviantart.net/321e/i/2013/297/0/6/steampunk_sailor_senshi_final_by_ratgirlstudios-d6mzthy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://img04.deviantart.net/321e/i/2013/297/0/6/steampunk_sailor_senshi_final_by_ratgirlstudios-d6mzthy.jpg" height="256" width="320" /> </a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pre06.deviantart.net/e6fc/th/pre/i/2013/257/b/4/steampunk_sailor_jupiter_designs_by_nijuuni-d6mc1mm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://pre06.deviantart.net/e6fc/th/pre/i/2013/257/b/4/steampunk_sailor_jupiter_designs_by_nijuuni-d6mc1mm.jpg" height="141" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So many possibilities....</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<a href="https://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3845/14609858896_25cbecb0f9_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://c1.staticflickr.com/4/3845/14609858896_25cbecb0f9_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<u><b>Progress so far:</b></u></div>
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I have so absolutely horrid sketches that I am not sharing here. Maybe once my artistic skills are better. I have almost all of the fabric purchased. I just need to get the rest of the material for the bodysuit.</div>
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Piles of fabric, patterns, beads, and The Shopping List! </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizpuDgbKRvC1QSH-HEyqsvjR6cfNpQY2EgQOsN49n0vzmqFeZpDwBBdBz8ndhp3aUzjbABKyW9m5XlQD-UrCWtMu9jn-lMSdYhXOnaoOPYAF6EftPdKRKPgjankwldYXddE3kOVnhc8QU/s1600/IMG_20170312_203657287_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizpuDgbKRvC1QSH-HEyqsvjR6cfNpQY2EgQOsN49n0vzmqFeZpDwBBdBz8ndhp3aUzjbABKyW9m5XlQD-UrCWtMu9jn-lMSdYhXOnaoOPYAF6EftPdKRKPgjankwldYXddE3kOVnhc8QU/s400/IMG_20170312_203657287_HDR.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
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A close of the greens in the costume. The green corset will have pink lacing, the green shimmery fabric is the skirt, and the brighter green will be the top of the gloves. The white fabric is for the gloves and I need to buy the rest for the bodysuit.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyARSrcXLuH1lgiRZeo-3IFbeMatvwo2a2yybUzJzQhViaUuuQVtc1l8j40pRdN_dUKuczJVsVMWswyykDIPE5eRFL1AD1_ePf-60DdYzh0BoqIGKwWDkasOlhBkODNmtTrakYcLgVwAM/s1600/IMG_20170312_203712428_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyARSrcXLuH1lgiRZeo-3IFbeMatvwo2a2yybUzJzQhViaUuuQVtc1l8j40pRdN_dUKuczJVsVMWswyykDIPE5eRFL1AD1_ePf-60DdYzh0BoqIGKwWDkasOlhBkODNmtTrakYcLgVwAM/s320/IMG_20170312_203712428_HDR.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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I will be wrapping the green pearls similar to the white for part of the tiara/headpiece. I still need to figure out a lightning rod.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-iGHeh092X37bBVRGu2nEDBEgLtr3E0CbJDNnG0a6EisA9-se5uFUk8DHh4KfT9qVireVBq6JN9zDUjvd8-jDQCvXe0MBwKiw3qFENh-FHn5lHknAk7-VvUGYEpb4cRt8f0A0H9RG_1g/s1600/IMG_20170312_174749264_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-iGHeh092X37bBVRGu2nEDBEgLtr3E0CbJDNnG0a6EisA9-se5uFUk8DHh4KfT9qVireVBq6JN9zDUjvd8-jDQCvXe0MBwKiw3qFENh-FHn5lHknAk7-VvUGYEpb4cRt8f0A0H9RG_1g/s320/IMG_20170312_174749264_HDR.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
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8 yards of fabric ironed and ready to be cut! I have 7 more in reserve for bows and trim.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqJr5h4k8OkpqvNATTqVE3TO2LD0TcBHEUmhkOX4REu84mMiAzaReZYtURdIsStBZCHfT9Iu8jUXjR7e3Urals9IClcayTe2ZH0FkHsm5Ctd-p0iU9Ee2suFXo1OxeCjxt_NSL20SiyuA/s1600/IMG_20170321_202421112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqJr5h4k8OkpqvNATTqVE3TO2LD0TcBHEUmhkOX4REu84mMiAzaReZYtURdIsStBZCHfT9Iu8jUXjR7e3Urals9IClcayTe2ZH0FkHsm5Ctd-p0iU9Ee2suFXo1OxeCjxt_NSL20SiyuA/s320/IMG_20170321_202421112.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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The choker and bracelet set I found on Amazon. I'm not sure which is more evil right now. Amazon or JoAnns.<br />
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The many patterns:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-NmRiyijWdx60wW3AnSiJ3KNPhTRFz3l-_cnUw9QcXvb3ofoBRfvPPlhJPGrZHyUVcUFJIr9v0VvDYs5Sy8Oom2YITKmSNnC4Qoia0BB939-nptvU6s3aS_jos7z4xh8YubJSfbaGB2I/s1600/IMG_20170321_211330978.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-NmRiyijWdx60wW3AnSiJ3KNPhTRFz3l-_cnUw9QcXvb3ofoBRfvPPlhJPGrZHyUVcUFJIr9v0VvDYs5Sy8Oom2YITKmSNnC4Qoia0BB939-nptvU6s3aS_jos7z4xh8YubJSfbaGB2I/s320/IMG_20170321_211330978.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
I am using the skirt pattern on the left. The skirt will be green with pink edging. I am just doing one shade of green instead of two.<br />
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The bodysuit I will be modifying. I don't need the short skirt as I have the longer pattern. The edge of the sleeves will be in the green of the skirt. <br />
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Pattern for elbow length gloves.<br />
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Using the sailor collar off of the green outfit. I will need to modify the heck out of it so it sits right on the bodysuit instead of being tied. <br />
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Water bottle holder in faux leather. Have to stay hydrated at cons!<br />
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That's enough for today, but it was more than enough. I look forward to keeping everyone updated. And yes, McCall's, Simplicity, JoAnn Fabrics, and Cosplay Fabrics love me right now.<br />
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***<br />
Oh, I guess I should put a blurb on the health side of things. It's been a long week of being sick and coughing. I am on the mend and feeling better. I have stopped and picked up a bunch of healthier snacks for work and home to get back on track. I haven't worked out since last Wednesday and I won't until I stop wheezing. My asthma is bad enough without me being intentionally stupid with my health.<br />
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-70371832101133730482017-03-01T19:24:00.000-07:002017-03-01T19:27:20.424-07:00Sleep ApneaI have probably started and deleted this post a dozen times over the last 6 weeks or so. I just couldn't bring myself to write and admit some of the things I am about to share. I'm slowly making peace with all of it, but it hasn't been easy for me.<br />
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Back in January I went to the doctor because I hadn't been sleeping well for a long time. I was restless, my legs were twitchy, my back was killing me, and I was waking up just as tired as when I went to bed. Poor Marshall has been wearing earplugs for years now in part because of my snoring (the other part is traffic noise). Then I was listening to a friend's follow up interview on <a href="http://www.halfsizeme.com/hsm255/" target="_blank">Half Size Me.</a> She and Heather discussed her diagnosis of sleep apnea from when she was overweight. Heather asked the question of what Brenda would say to those who have thought of getting tested, but haven't. Brenda's answer wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, but it was the way she said. Sleep is so important for all of our bodily functions and mental acuity. The part that got to me was when she said it is medicine that is just as important as any pill or injection you could take. <br />
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So I got a referral to a sleep doctor. I met with him and it wasn't IF I had sleep apnea, but how bad. So I did a home sleep study. Turns out I have fairly mild sleep apnea all things considered. I had anywhere between 11-40 events per hour depending on the stage of sleep I was in. And off I went to get my fancy pants CPAP.<br />
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I was not happy with the diagnosis, but I was glad to know what was wrong. I didn't want the CPAP but I was determined to give it a fair shot and use it. I had to see if it would help.<br />
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The first night was the worst, but not for the normal reasons. It wasn't because I had this mask and hose coming off my face. It wasn't because I look bloody ridiculous wearing the blasted thing. It wasn't because of the Darth Vader noises I now get to make.<br />
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It is the fact I have to wear it at all.<br />
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I went to bed early so I could lay down and get used to this thing under my nose and a new way of breathing. I laid down and started to read. I laid there for about 10 minutes and I burst into tears. I tore that mask off and sobbed. Marshall came in and was bewildered as to what had happened. I only cry that hard when something truly awful has happened. It took me a while to calm down enough to tell him what was going through my head. It all hit me like a ton of bricks.<br />
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How did I let myself get to this?<br />
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How have I not loved myself enough to take care of my body?<br />
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Why did I feel I have to hide?<br />
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What bully did I listen to and take their words to heart to believe I'm not worth loving?<br />
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All I can say is I have been beyond blessed to have my husband. He talked me down, hugged me, wiped away tears and just held me.<br />
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I felt like I truly had hit rock bottom. I have hit some really low points, but this last month has been rough. What little weight I have lost according to my scale I have gained back, but my smaller pants still fit so that's alright. But I have been self-sabotaging my efforts and eating like crap again. Some days I realize it and stop. Some days I realize it and give in. Some days I don't realize it until it's too late. But it's getting better.<br />
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Today I had my one month follow up appointment. My doctor is very proud and impressed.<br />
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I had 2 days out of 30 that I wore it less than 4 hours. I remember those nights too. I had gotten too hot and started coughing. If you cough while wearing a CPAP you feel like your are choking and drowning. It's awful. I was so asleep I didn't realize that I was coughing because I was hot, so I just tore the mask off and turned off the machine.<br />
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My average number of events is 0.2 hour, and every 4th or 5th night I'm not having ANY events at all. My doctor said this was phenomenal.<br />
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I am not tossing and turning as much and if I do it's because of my hips and back hurting. I'm sleeping deeper through the night. To the point I wake up disoriented because I was sleeping so hard. <br />
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I had been disappointed there weren't leaps and bounds in my energy or other improvements, but my doctor was fine with it. He reminded me that I didn't have severe sleep apnea and that I wouldn't see these huge changes almost overnight. Mine are going to be smaller and more subtler changes.<br />
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He asked me how I liked my CPAP and was very surprised when I told him I hate it. I hate that I have to have it and I hate using it. It serves it's purpose and is necessary for now. It is another medicine to get me healthy. I told him I working towards getting back to where I don't need it. He grinned, told me he loved my attitude and he would be more than happy to order a new sleep study when I get to where I want to be.<br />
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I'm not sabotaging myself like I was now that I have kind of processed all of this. I'm letting myself be angry and heal. I'm doing better, but it's a long hard road. If weight loss was just about calories in vs. calories out, I could get the weight off pretty quick. It's so much more though. <br />
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Lesson from all of this: If you think you have an issue, go get it checked out. It may not be the answer you want, but if you can get help and feel better it is worth it.<br />
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***<br />
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To end on a happy note I just got home from MD for a work conference with the US Pharmacopeia and the FDA. Flowers are already starting to bloom back there and I am jealous! It was a great conference. I learned a lot and met some awesome people. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunrise Sunday morning in Denver</td></tr>
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In a weird fluke I got to fly first class going both ways. Now that I
have seen how the other half live, I'm not sure I can fly in coach
again!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Wf5fLYZ1xIsXIl1rm5nAdtnqeEfQbeRVigblAuAfWaINuyK2vIVFdggt0lOorwxQ9HaJsY8tIDitmxhzctHHoMaqO15hBwsAdIhXDHDOLkndacg66JrWZgbS8DFEOfp-oxwSa4aOGTo/s1600/IMG_20170226_091812071_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Wf5fLYZ1xIsXIl1rm5nAdtnqeEfQbeRVigblAuAfWaINuyK2vIVFdggt0lOorwxQ9HaJsY8tIDitmxhzctHHoMaqO15hBwsAdIhXDHDOLkndacg66JrWZgbS8DFEOfp-oxwSa4aOGTo/s400/IMG_20170226_091812071_HDR.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stuffed French Toast and fresh fruit. Notice the real plates and silverware!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Warm cinnamon roll</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Supposedly looking towards Pittsburgh</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flying over the Appalachians</td></tr>
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Went to a nearby mall Sunday night to walk and have dinner. I drooled over Teslas and fancy pens. <br />
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I brought a coat I hadn't been able to wear, but I can now wear again. I was thrilled when I found out it fit again!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A little tea treat for myself</td></tr>
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I also got to tour the little museum at the USP and I would have loved to browse through there longer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHvoaYJUd1XId3g3qgkXK-ftjmDOmXnPa1AZG_hMrQ5zrbG9rTUzZNVEvPRpycDqr_3PSznXjqt46bCxqcSVKp-7qs6PgyfBGpQIaaxTl3VnXv3CV6Y2gT11PZ_Q3nwjpUqPujLpSseKI/s1600/IMG_20170228_122056528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHvoaYJUd1XId3g3qgkXK-ftjmDOmXnPa1AZG_hMrQ5zrbG9rTUzZNVEvPRpycDqr_3PSznXjqt46bCxqcSVKp-7qs6PgyfBGpQIaaxTl3VnXv3CV6Y2gT11PZ_Q3nwjpUqPujLpSseKI/s320/IMG_20170228_122056528.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1k0DRVMpCim9JFmUSombPAO7_dfVC4zIR7tNRQ3PB9A620W2rRiSaIzxi29s_SY8z0B93Tjsv_eSOeyqhodsQpdPGEQKroh16SatqHx9sNfsZlox4V0c4MHfkGup9PINlGvZWCcBJnbM/s1600/IMG_20170228_124557677.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1k0DRVMpCim9JFmUSombPAO7_dfVC4zIR7tNRQ3PB9A620W2rRiSaIzxi29s_SY8z0B93Tjsv_eSOeyqhodsQpdPGEQKroh16SatqHx9sNfsZlox4V0c4MHfkGup9PINlGvZWCcBJnbM/s320/IMG_20170228_124557677.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pharmacopeia from the 1800's. They would send out individual pages as they were requested with the latest updates.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-inUbR26c2HZP6wa0tIl8qyHus2uV50Ebsw4j83T4sLyst5SrIgJAEBWc_yCCwX2L00gf9PShm4Kh_fdRU4GGhvUwEmcnk9dEzxCylzc8PuuX8v1Glm4OOfg-uuBMG-ZOJR13OkXxr4/s1600/IMG_20170228_140617286_HDR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-inUbR26c2HZP6wa0tIl8qyHus2uV50Ebsw4j83T4sLyst5SrIgJAEBWc_yCCwX2L00gf9PShm4Kh_fdRU4GGhvUwEmcnk9dEzxCylzc8PuuX8v1Glm4OOfg-uuBMG-ZOJR13OkXxr4/s320/IMG_20170228_140617286_HDR.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The USP</td></tr>
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The flight home was a little turbulent. We were flying over some impressive thunderstorms. The sun was setting as I watched the storms roll by. I wish that picture had turned out.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHM4B7CD_TToQUM-lmRFVh02NOLhkuQkjCcA7URx-2iDLfq_9ukuuri60O_B88op8KnAkPwtVhaz_sr75MZlUxZsIMD_3c7OUSH2Pd2fEvmVo3jE2ehlAv1bn48CiCeTmZbYQrytxE0c/s1600/IMG_20170228_182935365.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHM4B7CD_TToQUM-lmRFVh02NOLhkuQkjCcA7URx-2iDLfq_9ukuuri60O_B88op8KnAkPwtVhaz_sr75MZlUxZsIMD_3c7OUSH2Pd2fEvmVo3jE2ehlAv1bn48CiCeTmZbYQrytxE0c/s320/IMG_20170228_182935365.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bowl of warmed mixed nuts</td></tr>
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Dinner was a seafood stew with rolls and a salad. We got a warmed cookie for dessert.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs1zj37HQm6X5LmVN3ooQ2TLO09BxoXl1Ytjav3ab0xsF785fOJWzI_5iHLnf6EPdngWSjExjwV2L-y7z2sNdsF8Y-4d0j-8QsRnTGR5nlK156egod7SnTeV7xChod7vj5t0VdjQx9vZ0/s1600/IMG_20170228_184356864.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs1zj37HQm6X5LmVN3ooQ2TLO09BxoXl1Ytjav3ab0xsF785fOJWzI_5iHLnf6EPdngWSjExjwV2L-y7z2sNdsF8Y-4d0j-8QsRnTGR5nlK156egod7SnTeV7xChod7vj5t0VdjQx9vZ0/s320/IMG_20170228_184356864.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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I don't know how I got so lucky to fly first class, but I won't argue! Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-30722588995051780732017-01-30T21:55:00.000-07:002017-01-30T21:55:09.554-07:00Showing progress<br />
<br />
Back in September I really started working out more consistently. I decided I needed to do something, and stop putting off things. I know I have a hard time getting up first thing in the morning. I also know that after I get home at night I won't do anything. I have a very hard time motivating myself. So I decided that I would try going on my lunch breaks. The gym I belong to is close so it works with my schedule well.<br />
<br />
I had a couple sessions with a trainer to get a good strength training circuit going along with all my cardio. It has been going really well. I started out doing dumbbell presses with 15 pounds and am up to 20. Overhead presses with a free barbell I started at 20 and am up to 35! I started using a 20 pound kettlebell for squats and swings and up to a 30 pounder. I can go up to a 35 pound bell if I am feeling motivated.<br />
<br />
Not long after I got on a roll I started thinking about my company's Christmas party and what I was going to wear. I really really wanted to wear a purple dress that I have, but the last time I wore it was before Marshall and I got married and I was 50 pounds lighter. I knew I couldn't lose 50 pounds in 3 months, but *maybe* I could tone up enough with strength training to get into it. I figured if I didn't get into it I was that much closer to getting into it, and I would wear a different dress that I have.<br />
<br />
I got into the dress!<br />
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<br />
It didn't fit absolutely perfectly, but that's ok. I still felt beautiful and had a lot of fun at the party.<br />
<br />
I ended up losing 5 pounds through the holidays of which I am incredibly proud. I have had a few ups and downs with the new year. I have discovered that I tend to retain water from my strength training workouts and to not do them the day before I weigh in. I end up feeling horrible and beating myself up when I have no reason to. I annoy myself sometimes. I really do.<br />
<br />
Today at the gym while doing kettlebell swings I noticed that my shirt wasn't as snug. I am also starting to get more toning in my calves and see definition. This made me giddy happy because I love seeing the little bits of definition in my biceps and deltoid. I have been sporadically taking progress photos and took one today. I can really see a difference! I have a hard time day to day seeing a difference and today I really could. Marshall tells me almost every day, but I know he is biased ;) <br />
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I see it most in my belly in these pictures. But I am stronger, moving better and sleeping better. I'm not going to argue.<br />
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And again, to whichever reader suggested the Half Size Me podcast and community, thank you. I love the podcasts and community.<br />
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<span id="goog_1173456859"></span><span id="goog_1173456860"></span><br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-57895709979135092362016-09-29T21:13:00.000-06:002016-09-29T21:16:01.229-06:00You Should Be HereSo tonight was a bit of a rough night at TOPS. It wasn't because I had a 3.5 pound gain (I chalk that up to starting strength training and this usually happens). It was because of what another member shared.<br />
<br />
Jim (name changed for privacy) joined just very recently. It has only been 4-6 weeks since he joined us. He joined a week after having a heart scare and having a stint put in. He went into the ER on the 1st anniversary of his brother dying. He doesn't ever want to see his wife look that scared again or leave his kids and grand kids without him. He has been a bit of inspiration to us already. His goal is this next year to hike a 14-er (a 14000' mountain peak) here in Colorado. He wants to do it on the year of his heart scare, 2 year anniversary of his brothers death, and 5th anniversary of the last time he hiked a 14-er with his son.<br />
<br />
Tonight he shared a video with us. His daughter first heard this song the day after he got out of the hospital and she thought of him. She didn't tell him right away because he doesn't like country music. When she finally did have him listen to the song he was shaken. It is "You Should Be Here" by Cole Swindell.<br />
<br />
He wrote it when his dad died suddenly and hasn't been there to celebrate with Cole for all of his successes.The video starts with Cole calling his Dad that he just got signed to a record deal.<br />
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<br />
By the end of the video I had tears streaming down my face. It wasn't just the song, which is very touching itself. It's my own someone who should be here.<br />
<br />
July 13, 2013<br />
<br />
That date is the day Cole signed his contract.<br />
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That date is the day I married Marshall.<br />
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<br />
Renae should have been there.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
You should be here, standing with your arm around me here.<br />Cutting up, cracking a cold beer, saying cheers, hey y'all it's sure been a good year.<br />It's one of those moments, that's got your name written all over it.<br />And you know that if I had just one wish it'd be that you didn't have to miss this<br />You should be here. </blockquote>
<br />
This October will mark 16 years since my childhood best friend died in her sleep at the age of 19.<br />
<br />
There are so many things she has missed and should have been there for. There are so many things I should have been there for too.<br />
<br />
College graduations. Dream trips taken. Weddings. Funerals. Failures. Successes. All of it. And it has been so damned hard.<br />
<br />
I am so grateful to every single friend in my life. I don't take any of them for granted. I may be clingy at times, I know this. It comes from a place of caring, and knowing just how much I would miss these people in my life if they were gone. I am just grateful that the barriers to new friends I had put up have been broken down and have allowed me to make the amazing and incredible friends I have now.<br />
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And as anyone who knows me knows, I am good at putting happy face on and not showing just what's going on. Or brushing it off. Only those closest to me can see through the bullshit. Marshall is especially good at seeing through my bullshit. Which is awesome and frustrating by equal measures.<br />
<br />
That facade shattered tonight. I broke in my TOPS meeting trying to explain why this song cut to my core.<br />
<br />
I know I haven't truly dealt with her death. I don't talk about it or her. It's hard to, especially to anyone who didn't know her. I don't like bringing it up with anyone who did know her because I don't like feeling like I am lingering in the past. I don't want to be a burden. So I bottle it up inside. I have made it point to do my best to live in the now, not the past or the hazy someday. But the future is uncertain. The past holds hard memories and pain, but it also holds good memories.<br />
<br />
So I came home from TOPS and walked into my husband's arms and sobbed. I sobbed in a way I haven't in years. He held me and rocked me gently as I soaked his shoulder. In the midst of my breaking at TOPS and the sobs on Marshall's shoulder I have realized I need to do better. I will be better. I need to honor Renae's memory in ways that I haven't. I need to honor myself and be healthy and let go.<br />
<br />
Weight loss is as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I end up sabotaging myself somehow with my weight loss attempts. Usually in my fear of being diagnosed with diabetes and thinking of Renae. There are other things, but the memories of Renae and dealing with her death are at the top of the list. <br />
<br />
I have a lot of work to do on myself. I think the physical part is going to be easier than the mental part.<br />
<br />
With the anniversary coming up this would be a good time to try and lay some of this to rest. I am not sure how much I will post here or not. I have a hard time laying my soul bare for anyone to read. Tonight it was easier to type than try to write.<br />
<br />
All I know is she should be here.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtMp7CM8W4mrJOYA8IYitLJLvaVll7oAs5c0lWCA9ccttN_hITCVl8Sx4kg5ieFR74cSsT7-dDd6W3NiZOBYgNku4XfpWLZaQqoWWIDO_ane8H9fxTCJqZytCo_fu7bnOcJiTpGVOD0RE/s1600/renae+and+i.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtMp7CM8W4mrJOYA8IYitLJLvaVll7oAs5c0lWCA9ccttN_hITCVl8Sx4kg5ieFR74cSsT7-dDd6W3NiZOBYgNku4XfpWLZaQqoWWIDO_ane8H9fxTCJqZytCo_fu7bnOcJiTpGVOD0RE/s400/renae+and+i.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The day of our high school graduation.</td></tr>
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<br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-60391536896917777052016-09-11T21:40:00.003-06:002016-09-11T21:40:45.794-06:00Quiet SundaySo it's been a little over a week with trying to get back on track, and overall it's been really good. I didn't work out at all Friday and Saturday, and it was nice to have a break. It was odd though because I was already missing it. I'm seeing some immediate results too. My clothes are starting to fit better. I lost 3 pounds this week at TOPS. I was really surprised too. I was fully expecting a pound or so gain. I usually do when I start lifting weights. Since I was expecting it, I wasn't worried about it. I figured I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and it will show eventually. Because more than a number on the scale I'm having some other benefits as well.<br />
<ul>
<li>I'm sleeping better - the length of time I'm sleeping, how deep I'm sleeping, and how restless I am not in the night (I'm not tossing and turning as much).</li>
<li>I have more energy during the day. I want to get up and take a break at work for a short walk</li>
<li>I'm more productive at work and I am having an easier time focusing on my tasks</li>
<li>My feet and ankles aren't as swollen</li>
<li>I don't hurt as much. My hips are still giving me issues, but that's the nature of having a desk job. My back is feeling better so definitely a big step in the right direction</li>
<li>I'm feeling more at peace with my body and comfortable in my skin. This makes me so damn happy it's unreal.</li>
<li>I feel calmer and happier</li>
</ul>
This is all just after a week and thinking off the top of my head. So it will be fun to see what the coming weeks bring.<br />
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Today was a nice quiet Sunday. I got together with a dear friend of mine to workout. We haven't seen each other much since she got a promotion at work and has been crazy busy. Needless to say we didn't do much working out, maybe 20 minutes. But we spent about 5 hours hanging out, catching up and nerding out. Marshall and I introduced her to Savage Worlds (a role-playing game similar to Dungeon and Dragons) and she had a blast. Hopefully we'll be able to hang out more soon, whether we game or not.<br /><br />Other than that, just enjoyed the fall weather and some home made stew. Off to go read and relax.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-36084674143846928052016-09-07T20:20:00.002-06:002016-09-07T20:20:26.572-06:00Chugging alongI haven't posted in a while for several reasons. Part of it is life has been busy and part of it is I didn't want to jinx the tiny bit of progress I have been making. It's hard to write when I don't feel good and I know I haven't been doing well.<br /><br />A few posts back a reader commented I should start listening to the Half Size Me podcast and I have been, and I have been enjoying it. Most of the posts are pretty good, and there have been a few duds. When someone starts spouting off bad science I just can't listen anymore. Mostly the people have been taken in by false information or pseudo-science, and I hate listening to it. I have been there with weight loss fads, and eating trends. A lot of these sound reasonable and on the surface make sense and they seduce you in. But they don't hold up to scientific research out there.<br /><br />That being said, I have gained a lot of inspiration from the guests she has had on and ideas. Last week I made it a goal to go twice in the week to the gym, aside from my power yoga class, and work out. I specifically wanted to go on my lunch hour. I would get away from work for a bit and when I got home I could just relax. I have such a hard time once I get home to find any motivation. I made it three days and once to the gym upstairs over the weekend. <br /><br />I love having the gym upstairs, but I am trying to use my gym membership more. I am already paying for it, so might as well use it. I also have a program through my health insurance that if I go twelve times in a month I get $20 credit towards a gift card to a store of my choice. I'm saving up for an amazon gift card to get some boots I want.<br />
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So at the gym I have been doing a warm up for about 5-10 minutes and then alternating days of doing strength training with my upper or lower body. I've been a little sore but not too bad. My semi-regular yoga must be doing something. I am not as weak as I thought I would be, especially with my upper body. So that makes me happy.<br />
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My hips are also hurting less at night and I'm sleeping better in general. More good things!<br />
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My eating is OK. Mostly I'm trying to just cut back on calories at this point without going to nuts on any particular eating plan. I scaled back on my weekly goal a bit too. I had put I wanted to lose 2 pounds per week in MyFitnessPal and that put me at about 1800 calories for the day. It was really hard for me to stay under that and when I would stay under it I was always hungry. No matter what I ate I was hungry. I hate feeling that way and I was really tearing myself down about it. Also, because I was hungry, I would binge and usually at night before bed. So I played with the goals a little bit and I have it set to 1.<br />
5 pounds per week and I have a calorie goal of approximately 2200 calories. I still go over a little some days, but not nearly as badly (50 calories versus 500 calories). At the end of the day it's about the same amount of calories, but it isn't playing mind games with me. I feel a little bit freer in what I choose to eat and don't agonize over meals. Food should be enjoyed, not fretted over.<br />
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With that, here's a gloomy stormy picture of the mountains as I worked out this weekend. I'm off to take a hot bath and read. <br />
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<br /><br />Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-69781210776426745582016-08-17T21:57:00.002-06:002016-08-17T21:58:19.526-06:00A tool is just a tool, unless it does the job by itself.I had to do a program for T.O.P.S. last week and I have been meaning to post it here because it turned out really well.<br />
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So lately I have been listening to the Half Size Me podcast (thanks to the reader who left the suggestion) and loving the stories. I have also gotten some great tips and ideas to share. Heather is big on a maintenance mindset and using all of the tools to help you succeed. Not just in attaining weight loss goals, but especially in maintaining the weight loss you have achieved.<br />
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In one recent episode she and a guest were talking about various tools that we use to lose weight. And how there isn't one perfect tool to lose the weight, as much as we would like to think there is. So I thought more on that, about what makes a good tool versus a broken tool, and when to throw out or get a new tool.<br />
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So what makes a good tool? We hear all the time about using tools to lose weight, but how do we know it's a good tool? I had come up with some of these, some the folks in my TOPS group contributed.<br />
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A good tool is a tool that:<br />
<ul>
<li>works</li>
<li>can be customized for your needs - it can be made to work for you however you need it to. Food plans, gym memberships, etc.</li>
<li>makes you feel successful, strong, hopeful</li>
<li>is something you feel comfortable using</li>
</ul>
A broken tool:<br />
<ul>
<li>has one use</li>
<li>is one size fits all - it can only be one way, and that's it. I am thinking of very restrictive diets, like the Atkins diet</li>
<li>Makes you feel scared, ashamed, constantly overwhelmed</li>
<li>Tears you down</li>
<li>Uses no science or bad science </li>
<li>People who sabotage your efforts </li>
</ul>
Ok, so what are some examples of good tools?<br />
<ul>
<li>Support groups (TOPS, Weight Watchers, etc.)</li>
<li>Gym memberships (or even just a good pair of walking/running shoes)</li>
<li>Fitness trackers and pedometers</li>
<li>Books, magazines, and other literature (backed by sound science of course)</li>
<li>Podcasts</li>
<li>Inspirational stories</li>
<li>Social media</li>
<li>Vision boards</li>
<li>Visualization techniques - we may not be able to envision what our healthier bodies will look like, but we can envision what can DO with our healthier bodies. Hiking, biking, playing with kids, and so much more</li>
<li>Registered dietician - not a nutrionist. Dieticians have to have a higher degree and certified, pretty much anyone can get a nutritionist certification.</li>
<li>a good doctor</li>
<li>Bariatric Surgery (not my personal option, but it is an option for others) </li>
<li>Supportive friends and family</li>
<li>A workout buddy </li>
</ul>
What are some examples of broken tools?<br />
<ul>
<li>Fad diets - Grapefruit diet, cabbage soup diet, they are all bad</li>
<li>Cleanses - your body doesn't need to be "cleansed" of toxins. That is why you have a liver and kidneys. If those aren't working to clean your body, you are more than likely in the hospital.</li>
<li>Celebrity advice</li>
</ul>
These are just some of the things we came up with. I thought others might find it useful too.<br />
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In our lives these tools can be switched out and used in different ways to meet our needs. If a tool is broken either throw it away or fix it. Don't be afraid to get a new tool or use an old tool in a new way.<br />
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There is no such thing as a perfect tool, and no tool does every job. So stop searching for a perfect tool to lose the weight, and use the ones you already have.<br />
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You can't build a house using only a screwdriver.Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2222705918664913037.post-11190127433505406602016-06-14T20:06:00.000-06:002016-06-14T20:06:06.396-06:00Lots of emotions <div dir="ltr">
I have been feeling very down about my weight, my attempts at getting healthier and everything that revives around it. And I figured it out tonight. I am feeling very very alone. </div>
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I know I am not, but it is hard lately to see that. </div>
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I ask for help from my husband and friends and I get enthusiastic responses to help. And, for the most part it falls to the wayside. I know my friends especially have their own lives, and I don't begrudge them that. </div>
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But it feels like no one will believe me when I say I want to make it work.</div>
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The fat one is making another feeble and futile attempt. I'll fail. Just like I have been since I started dieting at age 11. </div>
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Is this going through their heads? Probably not. My friends aren't that way. At least not without good reason.</div>
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I am just sick of feeling alone on this road. And having to care. And pick myself up and continue on when I stumble. I don't want to be carried...but a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on would be nice.</div>
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I'll find the strength somewhere and do it. I just don't know when or how.<br />
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I am also feeling pulled in two different directions primarily.<br />
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I need to lose weight for X reasons! X = healthy reasons, selfish reasons, shallow reasons, good reasons and bad reasons. Pick for X.<br />
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I need to love my body as is and by fat, sassy and happy self.<br />
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Am I happy with where my life is? Hell yes. Am I happy with me? Hell. No.<br />
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I have been reading a lot of body positivity stuff lately, and it's great! I do agree that all women need to embrace who they are physically, spiritually and emotionally. Regardless of weight, height, or race we need to embrace ourselves and our lives.<br />
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But there is a part of the body positivity movement that's a bit....nutso as well. On one side you have the skinny nuts (I won't call them health nuts) saying that "To be happy you need to be a size 0". On the other you have the body positivity group saying "Don't listen to them! You are gorgeous as you are! Do what makes you happy! Eat cake, do nothing, swim, hike, drink! But don't go by THEIR rules. Don't fight your body so hard! You're fine! <insert dismissive hand-waving here>".<br />
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Maybe I have gotten their intent wrong, but it doesn't feel that way. I have been doing what I thought would make me happy and it isn't. And I need to find the balance somewhere between these two sides. I don't think either one is 100% right.<br />
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Aside from the fact I won't be size 0 unless I get some horrible disease, I don't want to be. I am curvy and I love it. But I know with all my struggles in weight loss and the few fad diets (I have done far fewer than I could have) I have done I have screwed myself over. I have a long road ahead of me.<br />
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I guess what it comes down to, ultimately, is I want to be comfortable in my own skin again. When I first met Marshall I felt very confident and pretty. Now? Not as much.<br />
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And I am going to end this here for now. I could keep rambling on, and tonight that would lead to some dark and dreary places that I don't want to go to. </div>
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Lady_Amberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04529579194492114943noreply@blogger.com2