Back on track and feeling hopeful

I haven't posted in a long long time it feels like. The holidays got in the way initially, then I felt like I didn't really have anything to say, and then I didn't know how to articulate what I wanted to say. I know I needed help, but I didn't know what I needed help with or how to ask for it. Silly I know. The last 4 months or so I have been maintaining my weight. I have yet to figure out if I took a true maintenance break or if it was a plateau. At least I wasn't regaining weight.

I have slacked off on my workouts lately too. I've been battling a head cold and sinus infection the last couple weeks. Part of it is dealing with a knee injury. The irony is the non-runner has runner's knee. I've only had two PT appointments though and my knee is almost completely better! The other part of it was February and March blahs brought on by just getting tired of winter and deep in hibernation mode. All that means is I was feeling exceptionally anti-social due to seasonal depression. I'm not one to be out in the sun a lot, but damn I miss it when it disappears for a few days. On the upside I have been trying to go swimming a couple days a week with a friend, so that's been a lot of fun. It's been great girl time.

This last week I finally feel like I've gotten back on track with my eating. I bought a lot of easy foods for healthy and fast meals last week. Breakfast has been eggs, toast, and coffee. Lunch was low-carb wraps, with a variety of fresh veggies, fruit, and some cheese. Dinner has been a variety of things. I immediately started feeling good again and having more energy.  I also noticed that my craving for sweets diminished quite a bit too. I ended up having a great loss at TOPS this week as well. It was 2.25 pound if I remember right.

Friday I had a follow up with Dr. H. I am down 3 pounds from the last visit. Again we had a great discussion. He was concerned because it looked like my weight loss had slowed down quite a bit. So he brought up if I thought the Contrave was still working, and maybe changing it out with a different one. He was also concerned about costs for me, which I appreciate. In the discussion about other possible meds to try we went on to discussing changing up my eating habits. We talked about three different options.

1) Go down to two meals per day. I wouldn't be cutting out any calories, just the number of meals. I'm not sure how feasible this is during the work week for me, but on the weekends this usually ends up being the case anyways.

2) Change up my calorie distribution - make breakfast my biggest meal of the day, and dinner the smallest. Easy enough change to make.

3) Intermittent fasting - Going 24 hours without eating. He would like me try it one day a week and see how it goes. If I'm feeling up to trying a science experiment. Damn him speaking my language! haha

All 3 options have had a variety of studies done and have been shown to promote weight loss. Those who participate in intermittent fasting usually do it 3 days week (every other day) but it has been shown to be helpful with even one day a week.

The biggest part of our discussion surrounded option 2. There was a study published this last week that had very positive and amazing results. It was looking at type 2 diabetics and what happened if they had 6 small even sized meals versus 3 meals with breakfast being the largest and dinner the smallest. Both groups at the same amount of calories. The group that ate the 6 small meals ended up gaining 2kg over the 3 month study and using 2 units of insulin more per day. The group that ate the small dinner ended up LOSING 5kg and using 20 units LESS of insulin per day. That's a huge difference! Dr. H said they weren't sure if it's the large breakfast, the small dinner, or a combo of the two that helps with weight loss. While I don't have to worry about insulin use, I will definitely be giving this a try.

Towards the end of our meeting I went back to the earlier discussion about changing up the med. He said he wasn't going to for two reasons. The first is I didn't seem particularly excited about it. The second is that given some comments I made about eating mindfully and the like, the contrave is working. He said he thinks he was just making a mountain out of a mole-hill. The slight gain I had was over the holidays. We'll see how things go this next month and go from there.

I'm so happy I started seeing him. He seems to know exactly what I need to feel like I'm getting back on track and get me moving in the right direction again.

In other news I was a division winner in my TOPS chapter this last year. Each division is broken up by how much you weigh at the start of the year. I lost 26 pounds last year.

 

 So far things are looking up. I really want to try and do more blogging this year. I enjoy the writing as an outlet. Hopefully I can keep this going.

My weight gain story

So yesterday when I was at the gym I saw a notice on the board for a Slimdown Challenge they are doing. You have to send in your weight gain story, height, weight, etc. They then go through the entries and choose 10 winners. The winners are then entered for a challenge running from Jan 23-March 26. They get one free meal a day from the healthy menu at Chick-Fil-A, a free memdership to the Raintree Athletic Club (where I work out), and their own personal trainer! Cool! I asked Sandy yesterday if she knew if we could pick our trainers and she said yes. I asked simply because I would like to keep working with her. Anyways, I just emailed off my entry and I thought I would share my weight gain story here too. I think we need to always remember where we have come from so we can appreciate where we are today.

So here is my story:

My story starts like many peoples. I didn't fit in in school growing up and starting around the 4th grade I started getting teased for my weight. Looking back at the person who did this, I think I know the reasons why they did this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Throughout the rest of grade school and junior high in particular I was teased a lot about my weight. It wasn't just by my classmates either. I remember one day in particular walking home from school and a car full of high school students drove by. The slowed down, made some snide comments and then made a point of driving around the block so they could make more. The one I remember most is this: "Hey! We better call Sea World! Shamu got loose!". I heard it all in those years.

"You're so fat even Jenny Craig doesn't want you."
"You should join Weight Watchers so you can get your belly out where you can see it."
"Your belly is so big! When's the baby due?"

These are the worst I remember, but there were others. I wish I could say I was making these up, but I can't make up these cruel things. Thinking on them they still hurt, and yes I still have some bitterness over them. Who wouldn't? All of this turned me into a very shy teenager who was very comfortable to sit in the shadows and not make waves in school. The less attention I brought to myself, the better. Like everyone else, I made it through the hell that was high school and went off to college. I hated most of my classmates so much that I didn't want to stay in Wyoming, where I grew up, to go to college at UW. So I went 700 miles away to South Dakota for college and it was the best decision I could have made for myself.

I am proud to say that during my freshman year I lost 15 pounds, and not gained. That fell apart my sophomore year. I am only child and as a result was very close to a dear friend who I had met when we were 5 years old and in the same day care and grade school. She is one of the two women in this world I call the sister I never had. During my sophomore year of college she passed away in her sleep. She had a heart attack at the tender age of 19. Diabetes and unknown heart conditions don't tend to mix real well. My world turned upside down that day. One of my first thoughts the morning after was that I couldn't let myself start emotionally eating to hide the pain. I didn't want to gain the weight. But several of the residence advisers in my dorm along with women on my floor were determined to look out for me. They brought me food, took me to the dining halls, and made sure I ate. They didn't want me to go the opposite way where I didn't eat at all. I couldn't say no, because I appreciated their concern, but they didn't believe me when I wasn't genuinely hungry either. I want to say starting at this point and going through the next couple years I gained around 50 pounds. I really don't know my weight at the time, but I do know I went from a size 18/20 pant to a 24.

Over the next couple years I met and made some more friends and got my life back in order. I retook a year of classes and graduated with a BS in Biological Sciences. Most of the papers I wrote at that time were based on diabetes research. Along with Renae having had it, my grandmother lived with it for years, and now my Dad lives with it too. Diabetes has touched my life in many ways, and it is my greatest fear to be diagnosed with it. This is one my number one reason for wanting to lose weight.

I went through periods of gaining and losing, but never with great intention or thought. Through more life issues I ended up gaining another 30 pounds or so and battling quite severe depression for several years. I had wanted to be a teacher, and to put it simply it didn't work out. After the first attempt at student teaching was when I gained the weight. I moved back to Wyoming against my choice and took a semester off. I worked at a call center on the third shift, ate, moped, and gained weight. I was generally unhappy and I didn't know how to fix it. I went back for the Spring 2006 semester to redo my student teaching. I knew at this point I had to finish it because I hated feeling like I walked away and was a quiter. I couldn't stand it. Before I moved back to South Dakota I started working out at Curves. I loved it and started losing weight.

After I moved back to South Dakota, I kept working out at Curves. I was staying with the parents of a friend of mine while I student taught, and my friend's mom worked at the local Curves. It helped having someone to talk to while I went. Through her encouragement I joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). From my starting weight there I lost about 25 pounds and I had lost around 10 on my own before joining. I finished my student teaching and stayed back in SD to work and try to find a job where I could use my degree. When, after a year, I couldn't find anything in the area I moved back to Wyoming. I kept working out and staying around 250 pounds. I couldn't seem to get under and stay under that magic number. It was frustrating to say the least.

Since I moved back to Wyoming in 2007, life has happened. I met my wonderful boyfriend in 2008 and we started dating. He has struggled to find work, I have changed jobs twice in the last 2 years that included moving to Northwestern Wyoming from Central Wyoming, and now to the Front Range of Colorado. Battles with money, family issues, and losses of loved ones. It has been hard at times, but good. But I have let things slide. When money got tight the first thing I did was to stop my gym membership, because that was more of an "extra" than cable was. I am now currently weigh 290 pounds. I DO NOT want to go any higher. I need to do something, and I need to do it now. I don't sleep well, I have back problems, my knees are starting to get arthritis, and so far I have been lucky that my blood sugars are still in the normal range. But I don't know how long that will last.

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If you made it this far into my ramblings, thanks so much reading. Good luck to you all out there!

Motivational quote of the day: "The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves." Anonymous