Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Feeling it

I plateaued this week at weigh in and stayed the same. Everyone did this week in fact. To be honest, it didn't come as a surprise to me. With the major losses we have had so far (which a lot was water weight I am sure) it was bound to happen. And just knowing how my body is when I have worked out before, I was fully expecting to plateau either this week or next.

I had my weekly training yesterday evening. I went into it knowing it was going to be a rough workout since I had told Sandy I had plateaued, but it was rougher than I thought it would be. Part of the problem was I woke up later than I planned to get to the gym. I wanted to be to the gym by 5pm so I could get a 30 minute warm up in, and I woke up at 4:50. So I was groggy, moving in a panic because I was late, and didn't stop to eat anything before I worked out. Not eating was a mistake, at one point I started feeling a little sick but it passed quickly. Still it isn't a feeling I like. There was also a moment during the workout where I about just broke down in tears. It has happened to me before where I have pushed myself so hard it just pushes me over the edge emotionally and I just stop and breakdown and cry. It is an emotional reaction, but it is hard to describe the emotions that are brought up in that moment and why it happens for me. Luckily it too passed and things were good for the rest of the workout.

I felt kind of bad during my workout yesterday because I knew I wasn't my normal self. My trainer noticed it as well and kept asking if I was ok or if I was hurting. I really appreciated her concern, but most of it was I just wasn't fully awake yet. That and I would most definitely say if I was in pain. It wouldn't do either of us any good if I wasn't honest with Sandy about that.

 After my workout I started feeling A LOT better in so many ways. Of course there was the endorphin rush, and the general good feeling after a hard workout, but it was more than that. It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling and I finally figured it out after I had been at work several hours last night. I am starting to feel like I did even just 3 years ago, but more around 5 years ago when I had lost 30 pounds. I am feeling better physically and mentally. I am feeling stronger. I feel the strength building in my body and that I am moving better. I don't hurt as much as I used to. Even more importantly, I am starting to feel better in my own skin again. I feel  more like "me" and happy again. Not that I am just in a flabby shell. I am starting to feel beautiful and pretty again. I'm even feeling sexy *gasp*! I know I have always been these things, but it has been a long time since I have truly felt that way. I also feel like I am finally starting to lose weight and inches. We were all commenting at weigh in Monday night that none of us really felt like we had lost the weight that we have. I still really don't feel like I have lost 20 pounds even though I have. I don't know if it is because I haven't dropped a pant size yet even though I am down a shirt size or what it is, but I haven't felt like I have lost weight. I am starting to feel it now a little bit. Maybe I just shocked my body so much that it is just taking time to catch up and realize what the heck I have done to it!

As my Uncle told me the other night, I am at war with my body and right now it is fighting back. So just one day at a time and one step at a time. I'm not stopping now!

Quote for the day:
"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it, Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it!"  -Mother Teresa

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